Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Mom's On a Mission

There is a part of me that feels extreme guilt for my lack of writing. There are a few things that factor into my depriving you.

I kinda feel like a bore. Up until last weekend I hadn't even been out. In an effort to drop some lbs. in preparation for my 10 year high school reunion I went on a sugar free diet, enlisted the aid of appetite suppressants, made myself cozy with daily visits to LA Fitness and every Saturday morning forfeited the joy of sleeping in (yeah right! who am I kidding?) to go to the most intense exercise class I've experienced. The good news is the reunion is this weekend. I've got seven pounds to go and even though there is a part of me that's frustrated I wasn't able to do more when I see myself in pictures the change is noticeable. The compliments are definitely encouraging too. Today I even discovered that I dropped a dress size! I grabbed a dress in a size 12 and to my surprise it was a little baggy so I decided to try a 10 and wa-lah! it fit. Although I've hit the part of the journey where I'm burnt out and wanting to pig out that moment in the dressing room really helped me. I'm going to devise a sustainable plan and keep at it, the way I see it I've still got seven pounds to lose.

I learned my lesson the hard way last weekend. Naps when you rise with the sun are essential. Last Saturday I was up at 6:00, back home by 10:00 and around 12:30 back on my way out to watch the Georgia game (which by the way we lost!). After picking up my Elle and mom we were on our way to Wal-Mart and by this time Mom also had three beers in her. Needless to say crashing and burning was inevitable, right? Lucky for me I've got some great back-up in the form of my grams and she pitched in allowing me a much needed nap. I came very close to over-sleeping and missing my triumphant return to the nightlife but alas I didn't and in no time flat I was on my way to pick up my best friend and have a fun night out. This fun "night out" turned into "all night out" as I rolled back up to my house at 4:00am. What was I thinking? There are no words. All I know is four hours later my sweetpea was up and ready to get the day started I couldn't say the same for her mom though. Luckily I gave Jesus the wheel and after breakfast and a bath Elle was ready for a nap and I couldn't have been more happy. That nap was the best I've slept since Elle's been here. I even got in a shower and our bag packed to meet my bestie who I kept waiting longer than I care to admit.

The life of a single mother is a hard one! Believe me there's plenty more where that came from...


Monday, September 13, 2010

Yo Gabba Gabba!

Me & Elle love Yo Gabba Gabba & in October DJ Lance and crew will be hitting our city with there live show. I've been excited about it since I learned about them coming from the TicketMaster website & would be absolutely estatic if we won the tickets (so keep your fingers, toes & eyes crossed for us!) And if you would like to enter go here.

Good Luck!


Wednesday, September 1, 2010

270 Days of Mommyhood

This is my just three months away from being a one year old beauty!

But before I go get too far ahead of myself let's enjoy month #9! First let's gush over those two teeth...aren't they fabulous? I KNOW! Elle's breaking them in nicely too. As soon as food enters it doesn't stand a chance, she's chewing away. Speaking of food we've graduated to the third level of Gerber & enjoying all sorts of snacks now that she's officially a crawler. She's also enjoying "tastes" of table food, so far under her belt she's got chicken, eggs & ice cream. It's pretty much impossible to sit down to eat without Elle letting you know (i.e. grunting) that she'd like to have some too. It actually excites me because soon the days of formula and baby food will be behind us and I've got the makings of an adventurous eater on my hands.

Elle is crawling up a storm. Since she's not a huge fan of being confined and I'm not a huge fan of her cries & screams of frustration so I let her roam. She usually ends up in the same room I'm in and watches me while I do whatever it is I'm doing. When I leave a room in just a matter of seconds she's figuring out where I'm headed and she's on her way too. I love it! She's getting into everything and there are times when I just look at her amazed at what she's able to do. She's able to take all the contents of my purse out, she loves getting her hands on my headphones (and for that matter my phone), and when it appears she's out of options she's found a piece of fuzz or lint to occupy herself (and terrify me) with.

She has officially graduated to big girl baths! She absolutely loves the water, splashing it that is. And even though I inevitably end up drenched it's a lot of fun. She's all smiles until she grabs a hold of the washcloth that I'm using to bathe her and when I take it from her cue the water works. She doesn't like when you take something from her that she was having a good time with and clearly not done with. I give her something else and try to distract her but sometimes that's just not good enough.

She's even got a new hairstyle! Although the headband has been ixnayed she's rockin' a side ponytail. She's' got all that hair (and big head...lol) might as well start having some fun with it. And since my taste is more headbands and hair bows I'm going to start making them. I've been doing a ton of reading and am ready to hit the hardware store and ribbon aisle and let my creative juices flow. I'm even thinking about taking up knitting or crocheting so that when it gets cold she can have her head covered and still be fabulous.

Here's to fall, football and uggs! XOXO

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

240 Days of Mommyhood

As we round the corner of month number eight we're hitting new milestones. Elle's able to get herself up and sit nice and straight. In the mornings after a bit of stretching and head tossing she's up and looking for yours truly. She's silly & laughs at everything. Peek-a-boo is her favorite. Whether you cover your face or her's she is always up for a few rounds of fun. She's definitely got some stubbornness in her, which I certainly didn't pass on to her. It usually shows itself when she's got something in her hand, which basically means it's making it's way to her mouth & it could very likely hurt her. One of her favorites is my headphones I suppose because the little ear buds fit perfectly into her little hand. She's also a huge fan of car keys as well as my iPhone. Since I've done some reading on the matter I always hand her something less dangerous (i.e. a toy) but it's just not as much fun. After a few tears she's all better.

She's still got jello legs but really enjoys standing up. She's also just started crawling forward. And is reaching for any and everything. It's so fun to watch her play with her toys, she's spinning, hitting, squeezing and pulling.

She's got a new car seat! And friend, the purple pup is Violet & she's going to teach Elle how to spell her name!

High chair...

and riding in the shopping cart! (I know she's not wearing shoes, don't judge me! And I'll be purchasing a grocery cart cover-thingy once I find a print that reflects our style.)


Friday, July 16, 2010

The Is"shoe"

After my last post I decided I really need to find Elle some new sandals. I went to Piperlime first, why, I couldn't tell you. They do have some cute sandals but if I don't have a pair of $47 sandals I can't imagine why Elle would need a pair, they are fabulous though, huh? Here are the ones I ordered and these I'm wrestling with ; I mean practicality totally gets thrown out the window, they're white! And as the cold weather sets in she'll just being how to walk. I can see this going real bad, real quick.

“The one thing children wear out faster than shoes is parents.”
~John C. Plomp


My Little Wiggle-Worm

Yesterday was Elle's first time riding in her stroller! A very big moment for us. Hip, Hip, HOORAY! I don't really like having to run errands during the week. If it can't take place during my lunch hour then it just has to wait till' the weekend. But now that I'm exercising during my lunch hour that means every now and again I've just gotta suck it up and get things done. Formula was needed so we headed out to Babies "R" Us and since we were out and it was close we made a quick stop at Target too. FYI-There is no such thing has a "quick stop at Target" LOL!

She did a great job at Babies "R" Us! Cool, calm, collected, just loving life. I'm in a bit of dilemma, Elle needs a new pair of sandals. She's inching her way out of the very stylish ones she currently has. My problem is that I really don't like what I've got to choose from which is the whole reason I hadn't bought any prior to them. To me they are so old lady and orthopedic looking. And we are neither old lady or orthopedic! So after picking up the formula, which I got a free can of! Gotta love the rewards program, after every 9 cans you get a free one & a bathing suit, which was on clearance too! We were off to Target. I had bought some outfits that were the wrong size & since I didn't have the receipt and they're such sticklers about there exchange policy I had a hunt in front of me. So to avoid a return visit I decided I had to try the shorts on to make sure they fit. Sounds like a smart thing to do right? WRONG! So here we are in the back of the baby dept. I've unbuckled Elle from her stroller, slid her bloomers off, got the shorts ready to go up and my lil' wiggle worm wasn't having it! She is practically going nuts and I'm doing everything in my power to not let her wiggle out of the stroller and on to the ground. I wrestle the shorts up and back down, WHEW! I picked out a few more things and then I realize I don't hear her lil' maraca...why is it so quiet? I take a few steps back and there it is on the floor. As we head for the customer service desk I don't see her passy. I check all around her and it's no where to be found, so we head back to the baby dept. on a mission to find it! A dad had picked it up off the floor and set it aside in case we returned, thank goodness because that was one of her cuter ones...lol!

I left out our visit to the dressing room. Before we left the house Elle ate but eventually it was going to be time for a bottle. Insert our bottle break. She's a mess & falling apart, hunger pains have that effect & as I try to reason with her and explain that I'm moving as fast as I can, she's not really responding all that well. After a few additional minutes taking over the handicap changing room she was momentarily content and allowed us to finish up our shopping. One day she's really going to enjoy our shopping trips, yesterday wasn't that day!

Stroller=Struggle. XOXO

Thursday, July 15, 2010

I'm Busy...doing nothing

Yesterday I had the esteem pleasure of having a quick chat with a dear friend. She recently relocated, luckily it's near the beach so even though she left our great city how can you not love that part?! Since I love both my local Hallmark and snail mail (minus the post-master, ofcourse) I write her once a week. It's my way of letting her know that I miss her and I tell her about whatever is going on that day. While we were talking yesterday she asked what was going on and it hit me that I can sum my life up in just a few sentences.

Elle's fabulous! She's starting to crawl, backwards but it's progress; she's reaching for stuff; she cries if you take something away from her that she's fond of, like my headphones; she loves em'! And as soon as I take them away cue the waterworks. Last night she had a wrapper in her hand and as soon as she put it in her mouth I took it away from her. I'll give her credit though she didn't immediately go that route she did some investigating first. I watched her cry, like push out these huge tears and her bottom lip curled under. I also took a minute to listen to her cry. Just see if I could hear a difference when she's hungry. I'll have to get back to you on that.

Work is good. I've been a little irritated with some co-workers recently but nothing too crazy.

I've become a gym rat. My 10-year high school reunion is in September and I'd like to lose 15 lbs. I'm not gonna lie, twenty would be better. So since there's enough time to change my eating habits (i.e. my beer consumption...lol) & sweat it off versus going on the cottage cheese and apple diet, because that sounds like fun! Not. It's only been four days today but I'm really proud of myself. I've resisted Panda Express, I found a coupon for a free entree (tempting), this morning there were the most yummy bagels & cream cheese in our office (enticing); but I resisted! Part of what helps is I found a dress & in order to fit it and look my best I've gotta stay strong! And to reward myself I'm planning a girls night out in a month. That way I can have a few cocktails and a yummy dinner and then get right back to it.

Normal's nice. XOXO

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

"Not" Mom of the Year

I'd have to say that I'm both surprised and proud of myself for wanting to be "Not" Mom of the Year, I've wanted the coveted Mom of the Year title since the day I had my daughter. To be completely honest, it started while I was pregnant. I wanted to look my best inspite of feeling my worst, which meant a new haircut, saying goodbye to the blonde hair that I felt defined such a huge part of the person I was (that alone was a hard pill to swallow if that's who I was then who am I now), smiling through the morning sickness which left me unable to eat till the clock struck noon, an obsession with finding skinny leg maternity jeans so I could still wear my uggs, determination not to pack on the pounds, and perseverance to still celebrate one of my favorite holidays almost eight months pregnant, Halloween.

I've only been a mom nearing eight months but in this "short" time I began striving to be Gold Star Mom and today I can say & more importantly mean, the day isn't a failure if I don't get a gold star; some days are no star days and those are the times that I want to share with you...

When it comes to Elle and her crib lets just say I've won a battle here and there but she's won the war. It's with a heavy heart and bowed head that I admit Elle spends more nights next to me then in the pretty crib just inches away. She's actually turned into quite the bed hog! The first time I decided to lay down the law put her in there and let her cry it out this is what being a tough guy got me.

It hurts, guess that's why they're called growing pains...huh? She was supposed to calm down and nod off but after what was the longest half hour of our lives I relented, snapped this photo & begged for forgiveness.

When it comes time for mom to eat let's just say that it's no easy feat. When there's another person around it makes things a lot easier but more times then not that's a luxury I'm not always afforded.

I make sure she's fed & changed, then I place her in her bouncer, hand her a toy & make myself my dinner. She's stubborn! I'm 100% sure there is nothing wrong with her other than obviously not wanting to be strapped into the bouncer, which I know sounds rough but if she wasn't buckled in she would wiggle her way out of it and right onto the floor. So she cries, yells, attempts to get free and I let her. It's usually in an on and off pattern, she distracts herself, then remembers she's mad and is right back at it.

Taking pictures is just what I do! I was inspired by this article I read of a mom who took a picture of her son everyday his first year. I started out determined but I only made it around three months or so. I had the best of intentions but it takes a LOT! From when Elle was just an infant (mind you she's still just a baby) I've been pushing her buttons attempting to get the perfect shot.

The best part of all is that shots like this one and many more like it have turned out to be some of my favorites. I can't wait to be able to tell her about all the times I was unwavering in my desire for just the right picture.

I unashamedly match our outfits. I'm not a total nut job in that it has to be the same shade but if I'm wearing purple, she's wearing purple. I find it both fashion forward and absolutely adorable. It was hard to pick just the right picture that shows our style and quirky-ness but I think this one does a pretty good job!

I'm keeping it simple in a black & white tank and Elle's shining in her Run DMC onesie our facial expressions are just an added bonus :)

Whoever said being "Not" Mom of the Year was underrated clearly hasn't met me! XOXO

Monday, June 28, 2010

210 Days of Mommyhood

As I hit day two hundred and ten of motherhood I can't help but pull out the calculator (math isn't my thing) and put some perspective on how many days we have to go till' it's day three hundred & sixty-five, drum roll please....155! When I look to the days ahead I realize that summer is going to come to an end and with the cold weather I've got pea coats, scarves & mittens in lieu of a bunting suit to look forward to.

My little Elle is more than I could have ever asked for. She's got rolling down and is well on her way to crawling. She's still figuring out how to maneuver her legs to get moving but it's coming together. She's definitely giving it her all with her head laying flat and her bottom in the air and her legs moving but just not the rest of her. One day she'll put it all together I just hope I can keep up! She still doesn't have teeth but they're on there way, right?! Our pediatrician's kid got they're teeth on the later end of a year so until there is something to worry about...I won't. Besides her pretty smile is all gums and there is just something so precious about it.

Me and Elle have come a long way when it comes to church on Sunday's. I'm so very proud of us! I want to start with our ride this past Sunday morning. The sun can blind my poor girl and this particular time I couldn't help but laugh. My first thought was Elle is definitely honors level material. She had the sun in her eyes but this time around she didn't just take it she actually moved her head around to get it out of the sun. I was impressed. But then decided I should pull over and put her sunglasses on. If she could understand that the sun was in her eyes then ofcourse she'd get that the sunglasses were there to help. In theory that makes sense; however, that was not the case. By the time we were getting back on the road she had taken them off! We kept trucking and when we got to a red light I tried putting her glasses back on but still no luck! We also scored with our parking spot too! There was a car pulling out but I passed them basically burned rubber and circled the parking lot to get back to it, it was in the very front of the church, primo spot. I did have to be just a wee bit aggressive in attaining it which I know isn't very nice but I've got a heavy baby to carry & it was either there or in the overflow lot, so cut me some slack! Looking back to the first time I dropped her off at the nursery, I was terrified. I'm pretty sure I spent the entire hour with an accelerated heart beat, but we made it! This Sunday though when I came to pick her up she was sitting and had her sandal in her mouth. No tears in sight and all smiles! I guess she's getting the hang of it. I know she gave the ladies there a run for there money and I'm so glad that they didn't buzz me at the first sight of tears and by tears I mean pissed off, fussy, tired theatrics...thank you sweet baby Jesus!

Time flies when you're having fun! XOXO

Friday, June 25, 2010

Elle & the carrots vs. Mommy

I lost & my white tank top was a causality! XOXO

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Sorching, sweltering, sizzling...in other words, HOT!

Over the weekend me, Elle & my niece, Tatiana spent the afternoon with Tracy and her god daughter Ella. There was a festival going on at a park in the city and I couldn't think of a better way to get out and have some fun! There are the girls all buckled in and ready to go! Aren't they some cuties :)

We made it to the park right as things were getting started. After cruising by the booths we ended up at the playground and that's where we spent the rest of our afternoon. Tatiana and Ella had a fun time playing and me and Elle had a lunch break. As the girls were playing the inflatables were in the final stages of going up and Tots was all about em'! There was an alligator and a crayola playhouse that she had fun on. Ella did her best to keep up but it just wasn't in the cards for her. She's not quite there yet in the being able to play and jump without adult assistance, but she gave it her best! GO ELLA! The next thing to catch Tatiana's eye was one of those jumpy contraptions. I have no idea what they're really called but they strap you in and you jump. Well the sun had kicked in full force and was beaming down on us from above. Tots really wanted to do it and since the line wasn't very long, we were in it to win it. The waiting was unbearable for both of us for very different reasons. I'll start with her, she's an impatient four year old. She was just steps from being able to jump her lil' heart out. She kept asking me if it was her turn and I did my best to explain to her (several times might I add) that she had to wait her turn, everyone had to wait there turn, it's called being fair. I'm pretty sure she wasn't impressed with my answer but my next line of defense was to use a nick jr. cartoon to help explain things but something told me she just wasn't in to mood, she just wanted to jump! It was right around here where another mom and myself were ready to jump one of the guys working there. Apparently, there were two lines and when he went to strap in a kid who hadn't even begun to break a sweat we pounced on him. Actually, she took the lead and I played back-up, but don't let that fool you...I meant business too! But fair is fair and we just picked the wrong line...hahahaha! I thought our odds were better staying put and waiting it out with the little kids since the bigger ones would probably be better jumpers and would be able to last longer. So there were two kids in front of us and after me and another mom tried to beat up the guy working the activity, one of those said children was strapped in and we just had one little girl standing in our way. In what seemed like an eternity it was FINALLY our turn, WOO HOO BABY! Now this is where I'll give Tots some credit. She only jumped a few times and in just a matter of minutes she was scared and she demanded that the guy get her unstrapped, to the point where she was ready to un-do herself from it. I took my "mom's not playing, in this case auntie B means business" and told her to stop. After a quick diaper change & reapplying of sunscreen I was placing Elle back in her stroller & Tots was ready to take her sneakers off and put her flip flops on. We're so high maintenance!

On our way to the exit we stopped for a quick bite. I got Tots a slice of pizza and some pink lemonade. We stopped at a picnic area to enjoy it. And since the benches were hurting Tatiana's bottom we moved to another spot, I tell you it's always something with that girl! Next problem, the slice of pizza was too big for her to hold on her own. So being the great aunt that I am, I held it and fed it to her. All the while giving bites to Ella too! When we were all done Tracy took a moment to remind Ella that's how you share because prior to that when Tracy had given Tots one of her juices she had a small meltdown about it. Before we started our trek to the car we got a group shot!

After a few tears shed by Ella from not wanting to sit in her stroller in favor of wanting to walk, we were back at the car and loading the girls in. In no time at all they were all soundly asleep, GO VEE & TRA'!

The day before our perspiring park adventure we went swimming at Tracy's! And this time I actually put on a bathing suit so that Elle could fully enjoy the water. I know, I'm just a good mom like that. It took her a few minutes to warm up to it but before you knew it she was having a great time. Kicking her feet, giggling, and enjoying the water!

Here's to more fun in the sun. XOXO

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Summer Lovin'

This past weekend are best summed up as two fun days in the sun!

On Saturday we went to Tracy's and lounged by the pool. It was Elle's first pool day! Oh, how I love the first's we get to experience together. It took us an unusually long time to get out of the house. I must have gone back in at least three times to grab something I forgot only to realize there was something else and oh yeah, one more thing too! Geez! But before you knew it we had the wind in our hair and our baby einstein cd playing our favorite tunes. Elle's acquired a new talent. She can get one of her shoes off (usually it's the left one), by rubbing her little feet together and then she proceeds to suck on it. She had her very cute white eyelet ones in her mouth pretty much the entire way we were on on way to Tracy's. I wasn't really up to fighting with her in the car so I let her go ahead and enjoy herself, who am I to ruin someone's good time?! LOL. Once we finally got to Tracy's I got Elle changed in to her swimsuit. It's a tankini & it's brown zebra print (ofcourse it's a print. mom has yet to meet a print that she didn't like!) and has pink accents. It's soooooo cute! It took me awhile to commit to buying Elle a bathing suit they are all so cute but I just hadn't found something I loved. Well finally one faithful trip to Babies "R" Us, I spotted it & it was love at first sight. As I was changing Elle's diaper, I had her on the floor and her diaper was open and she got me, like a little cherub fountain...LOL! It was actually very funny & it didn't even phase Tracy she's gotta a dog so she's familiar with the accidents that happen, kids and dogs I tell you! We headed out to the pool and went to dip our feet in the water. Maybe next time I'll put a suit on but I was in shorts and a tube top, classic Vanessa. And Elle thoroughly enjoyed herself! She kicked her little feet around but once I sat her in the water she had a minor freak out and well that was a enough of that. We spent the rest of the afternoon in the shade and after a bottle and sunscreen application Elle was taking a nap. We had a great time with Tracy and are both definitely looking forward to more pool days!

Sundays are reserved for Dizzy. And this Sunday she invited us to tag along with her to her 10 year high school reunion cook out. To say that it was hot was a gross understatement. The sun was shining and it was blazing! We were both in purple dresses (in support of the Lakers....ofcourse!) FYI-as it stands the series is tied 2-2. And speaking of the Lakers, Dizzy has a very cute picture of yours truly in my Lakers tank...hmmmm?! Well being that I was not a graduate of Mays, I didn't know anyone there but there were a few familiar faces; people that I've met through Dizzy. It made me think of my own reunion that is on the horizon and my first thought was there won't be that many black people there....LOL! It also made me very glad that I've chosen the school for Elle that I have. Diversity is so important and so is knowing that black is beautiful, in all of its shades. After about two hours we threw in the towel. Elle was sweating her lil' butt off! I think she was having fun but I'm sure she was happy to be in the cool air conditioned car. Once we got home I gave her a bath and we enjoyed what was left of the weekend together.

I laid her in her crib while I put away some laundry. And this is what my tiny acrobat did:

Auntie Sam thought this was very funny! She started to call Elle's crib, "baby jail" and in no time flat my niece had joined in :) PS-can we talk about how she's actually looking at the camera & is that a smile I see?! Oh yeah it is! Progress baby, progress :)

OH! I almost forgot. Me and Elle had another first this weekend. On Sunday morning at church I dropped Elle off at the nursery! This was a very big step for me but I was looking forward to being able to focus & it ended up being just what I needed to hear. They gave me one of those buzzers you get at restaurants when your table is ready. Even though I spent the hour in a silent panic...we both made it! Although when I went to pick her up she was crying she had been fine the entire time they said. She was just tired. As soon as I got her calmed down, in the car & pulled over to feed her, she drifted off to sleep. She was really sleeping because when I got into the house and got her out of her car seat she stayed asleep! SCORE! Mom got to enjoy a bowl of cereal :)

Summertime fun has just begun...XOXO

Friday, June 11, 2010

Ms. Poopy Pants

The last few weeks have been filled with all sorts of things. None of which I can actually recall right now! It's both funny & sad that I'm busy, tired, hungry, and as I sit here trying to recall it all...BLANK!

What sticks out most poignantly is the rough few days when Elle's pipes were just a wee bit out of wack. First time around I called our pediatrician while simultaneously doing a bing search. What the doctor said and my findings matched up (not that I value the opinion of some looney person over that of a degreed professional, just saying). The verdict was give a couple tablespoons of apple juice. Well, my mother was still a bit concerned so I knocked things up a notch and called an advice nurse. She said there wasn't anything to be alarmed about yet. Apparently, when it comes to diarrhea and babies what constitutes "diarrhea" is an increase in the number of times she's going versus the consistency. I know this may be more then you'd like to know but seriously this is my life. I couldn't make this stuff up if I wanted to! Later that afternoon I got a follow up call from our pediatrician. She just wanted to make sure everything was okay and she said we could give Elle some pedialyte too. Other than that we should stick to starches (i.e. bananas, applesauce & rice cereal) to thicken the poo up. After the pedialyte things seemed to be back in working order. WHEW! The worst one to date (since I know you really wanna know and who am I to not share?!) She got poo-poo all over herself, literally. It was like a grenade went off! I'm not exaggerating. It was all over her back, the back of her dress (which I had to rinse out and put in the dryer so it didn't disrupt the color scheme for the day), & the chair she was sitting in. I wanted to cry but it was too funny to do anything but laugh. All I can think is one day I might be able to return the favor!

Here's to potty training and big girl panties....


180 Days of Mommyhood

We made it halfway! In another six months I'll have all the makings of a little person on my hands. I've decided it's a catch-22! One one hand I'm looking forward to what the next months have in store but on the other hand it's like my baby is disappearing right before my eyes. Sometimes I find myself looking at her and can't help but think, "WHERE DID MY BABY GO?!"

Elle's six month check-up was about eight days before her official anniversary. And me and her Auntie Sam took her. I hadn't been to the pediatrician's office since I entered back into the workforce from the glorious time I spent as a SAHM (AKA-maternity leave). It was great to see the doctor! Of course in true mom fashion I had Auntie Sam snapping pictures. Which our pediatrician has become accustomed to. She even commented about how I'd have the pictures on facebook later that day! Yes, she really is that awesome. Everything checked out well! She's actually above average in the weight dept. but no worries, she looks healthy & not fat! She weighed in at 16 lbs. & 13 oz. which was actually very funny because the girl weighing her said 26 lbs. at first. Me and my sister looked at each other and I asked the girl if she was sure, LOL! Elle was also due for some vaccinations. Three to be exact, one oral and the other two the good ol' fashion way. I'd have to say that Elle did a great job! She cried but after some hugs and kisses from mom & a bottle she was ready to get dressed and head out. The good news is that on her next visit she won't get any shots! Now if there was only a way I could let her know that?! Her next one's aren't due till she's a year. It's so weird to even type that. A year. She's gonna be a year!

That seems like the perfect way to segway into what I've recently just begun, as of yesterday to be exact...planning Elle's first birthday! I thought I had a plan of what I wanted to do and after just a few clicks all of that changed. I've got folder and after printing out a pretty informative article on how to plan a 1st birthday party, I'm officially ready! I think I've settled on the invites, the theme is coming together and the party favors are going to be fabulous! To say I'm beyond excited is nowhere close to what I'm feeling and let me remind you that we've got six months to go! I really feel like this birthday is going to set the standard. It's like it's a test. I know it's not really a test, but just go with it. I realize this isn't something she's going to remember so I'll hold off on the petting zoo & clowns until it's appropriate. Oh, yes! I mean birthday business baby :) If Elle knows nothing else early on she'll know this: I LOVE HER! I take pictures of everything. I'm not matchy-matchy but if I'm wearing yellow, she's wearing yellow. I plan everything! And it's that planning that means she is going to be having a blast & that's what is most important to me. I've already got the makings of a social butterfly on my hands. Her face literally lights up when we head out the front door and she's super friendly!

She's a tiny version of her momma! Six months down and six to go...


Thursday, May 27, 2010

Summer Blog Tour '10

I want to thank Holly and Abbey of The Work at Home Woman and Living My Moment for selecting my blog as one of the stops in this sixty day fabulousness known as the Summer Blog Tour! I'm so excited to be a part of this.

Hi. Welcome. Take a read around! Laugh, cry, laugh some more...it's my life. It's not all rainbows and ponies some days there are typhoons, blizzards and sizzling temperatures, but this is my adventure. I've gone from your resident party girl to single mom navigating this thing called life the best way I know how. I'm unashamedly "one of those" mom's! I've got a school picked out, found Spanish & piano lessons and circled and highlighted my way through summer camps, I guess the question is all girl or co-ed? For the time being I've got time on my hands after all Elle is only six months! But one day my little babe isn't going to be so little and well mom's gotta have a plan of action. The thought of raising and shaping the life of my daughter is scary, challenging and beyond rewarding.

Letting the love and craziness flow freely...


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Week #4-Freebie (i.e. Mom Needs to Re-Group)

I was really excited to take on this ch allege because I thought it'd help me keep myself accountable. Well...when you're both sergeant and cheering section things can become a lil' blurred. I'm giving out lashings and hi-fives and let's not forget making excuses too. I'm not really where I should be but all is not lost because well because I say so, damnit!

This weeks question is "How you think you are doing? And are you happy with your results thus far? Is there anything I can do to help you with your goals --- topic you would like to see in the upcoming weeks, etc.?"

I could certainly be doing better. I think the positive in that is that there's room for improvement. As it go, a lot of room! When it comes to the various areas of my life I think focus is where I'm falling short. I know what I want but it seems that I'm ready to get going when I've fallen behind. So that's what I'm going to work on addressing this week. Really coming up with a plan that I can put into full effect and be successful at. It would also help to not see things as "win or lose" it's easy to say to myself "You didn't go to the gym yesterday, not going today isn't that a big a deal" or "I've got to do this, this and this and there's no time for the gym."

I have a question, what is this point system all about? That piece of the puzzle totally escapes me.

I can't think of a topic I'd like to see covered in the upcoming weeks but I am looking forward turning things around...


Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Elle for the Win!

When it comes Elle and bedtime let's just say that Operation Graco is still in full force. It goes without saying, the girl wears me out! During the week it's not so much of an issue because I've got to get up for work and well getting two beautiful gals ready for the day takes it's due time. I've recently discovered the joys of coffee and must admit it's my savior! A cup of Maxwell House, chocolate creamer, and some sugar and this mom is ready to take on the day that is until I hit my afternoon slump, but even then a little fresh air and it's five o'clock before you know it.

Elle's hit a new developmental milestone and the girl can't lay still to save her life. She's rolling all by herself! And just because you put her down in one place that doesn't mean that's where she'll be a blink of an eye later. This is proving to be a MAJOR problem when it comes to her sleeping in her crib. She's moving around so much that she's waking up tangled up in herself and she's not sleeping as soundly. Last night was the perfect example of this. She initially fell asleep in my arms and once I thought the coast was clear she went in her crib and mom got to eat dinner! Not long after that I was asleep myself and just like that Elle was awake and crying. I found her in the upper left hand corner of her crib wailing at the top of her lungs. After some formula and the soothing sounds of the womb bear she was back out and placed ever so gently back in her crib. As soon as her pretty brown skin hit the crib she was already trying to fight me. Well, I resisted the urge to pick her back up and stuck the passy in her mouth and she was headed right back to snooze ville! GO MOM! In what was under about two hours she was up and back soundly asleep in my arms in just a matter of minutes. Are you seeing a pattern here too?! Well I can honestly say I gave her all the fight I had because when I woken up again this time at the stroke of midnight, I decided that Elle was the winner of this battle. I got her back to sleep and placed her next to me and she proceeded to take up the ENTIRE bed, which might I add is a queen! As I worked my way to the very edge all I think about was how nice it was to have it all to myself.

Well, not tonight mom!


Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Welcome to Braves Country!

Sunday we took in a Braves game as a family. That basically means that at any given point emotions are going to run high and tempers are sure to flare. The good news is we didn't let each other down :)

Just leaving the house was a feat. First, I woke up to a hangover. It's been quite sometime since I woke up head pounding and in desperate need of water and aspirin. I don't think it had anything to do with the amount I drank more so then that's just the affect of cheap alcohol, LOL! After getting my Elle gorgeous for the day ahead I moved on to readying myself; in between feeding, changing and picking up Elle, she's high maintenance but I wouldn't have it any other way. After triple checking that I had everything Elle would need: diapers & wipes, formula & water, an extra outfit, toys, sunscreen, passy's, teeth medicine and all I needed was my camera, phone, license and debit card, we were good to go and rounding up the rest of the crew.

After a small detour due to the GPS failing me we were parking the car and making our way to Turner Field! I recently bought Elle a very snazzy pair of sunglasses and some hats, both very appropriate given that we were about to spend the day under the blazing sun. She's not really there yet when it comes to the sunglasses. They kinda freak her out, like a lot! The first time she wore them was absolutely hysterical and my FLIP captured the whole thing. On our way into the park Elle was forward facing in her carrier and had quite the time. She laughed, giggled and brought a smile to everyone's face like she always does.

Right as we entered the stadium there was incident #1! My sister went off to take pictures of the pre-game parade going on but failed to tell anyone. So I'm standing there literally freaking out because I'm thinking the worst. In the blink of an eye anything could happen! So as I scan the crowd for my chocolate drop I see her making her way back to us. She went up front to get some pictures. All of the commotion also sent Elle into quite the tizzy. It was pretty much sensory overload. But after a few squeezes and smoooches she was back to herself. Here the three of us are with Homer, the Braves mascot. FYI-I just had to google that tidbit of information!

We finally started to making our way to our seats which were by the way fabulous! Don had got them from his boss who couldn't go. We ended up right at home plate and first base. And although the sun was relentless the seats made it worth it. I figure I knock out two birds with one stone with a picture of how close we were and of the man who is my favorite and cutest Brave of em' all...Jason Heyward! As the game geared up Elle was on her way to sleep. I re-applied sunscreen, adjusted her hat and let her nap. When they made there first home run it actually startled her out her sleep but after she realized she was okay she nodded right back off. We were somewhere around the fifth inning or so when baby girl decided to join us. I decided to go cool us down with a trip to the bathroom and drink carts! First up, a rather eventful trip to the bathroom. There wasn't a changing table. Big surprise there. This is the third instance where I had to take Elle into a stall to get her changed. It wasn't till' I was in there with her that I realized just how sweaty she was. Her back was soaked! So as I proceed to get her undressed she begins to scream at the top of her lungs. She's hungry! So everything comes to a screeching halt so I can get the girl fed. Six ounces of formula later the hunger pains have passed and I get back to what we went in there for. I get her diaper changed, her new outfit on and yes, use the restroom myself (all with one hand might I add) and we're washing our hands and mom is ready for a cold beer! Elle takes in the next few innings on the laps of her Gram-Gram and Paw-Paw.

We left around the 8th inning (FYI-we won 13-1). The Braves were winning and well I didn't really want to fight a bunch of traffic trying to leave, so the car we went! As we were exiting the stadium we ran into Dizzy! We usually spend Sunday's with her. We were supposed to go to the game with her but then Don got the tickets and it became a family affair. It was great to see her. I've really come to look forward to them & I know Elle has too. Dizzy is the only non-relative Elle's ever spent time away from us with too! I know I'm in trouble with those two when Elle starts talking! We snapped a quick picture together but it's on Dizzy's camera so when she gets it uploaded I'll be adding it!

It was honestly a great day! Even though my mom got a stain on her white tank, Auntie Sam had a mini meltdown from the heat, and as usual it all went over Don's head cause he still doesn't get what all the commotion is about...LOL!


Monday, May 17, 2010

Week #3-h2O

This week is all about the benefits of drinking water. It can really aid you in losing weight and can also help to curb those "hunger" pains that are more then likely "I'm bored and well ice cream just sounds good" pains...LOL! You know what I mean :)

The question this week is "How many ounces of water can you drink this week?"

I'm so proud of myself for making the time to do this, and especially today. I would have felt a little guilty had this been the middle of the week. Not to mention I've got a dress I'd like to fit just a wee bit better next week so maybe trading the soda for water couldn't have come at a better time. That being said I'm going to drink fifty-six ounces of water a day; which adds up to being 392 ounces from today through Sunday. I decided on fifty-six because it's always that last glass with me. Somehow it never happens so at least this way on days it does I can give myself a high five and on the days it doesn't I would have reached my goal for the day. It's a win-win, if you ask me!

Bottoms up! XOXO

Week #2-Change it Up

So I'm late. I've got more on my plate then can fit and well this is part of what fell off. I'll press pause on whining about any of that and get back to the topic at hand...dropping some pounds!

The question for last weeks was, "What have you tried or what are you planning to try to change it up a little?"

What I'd like to do to change my routine up is start walking at the park. Although I've got the fancy schmancy gym membership, this for me is a lil' outside of my comfort zone. For one I'm notorious for laughing at people who exercise outside. In most instances it's those who are running/walking. People do funny stuff. So before you judge me, I think it's only fair that people laugh at me as well. See there, balance...LOL! But seriously my goal is to go three times a week and walk two miles. I figure it's best to be realistic and set an attainable goal. Not to mention I can bring Elle along with me and it'll be some much needed mommy-daughter time injected into our week.

Here's to taking on the concrete jungle!


Friday, May 7, 2010

A Bandaid Ain't Gonna Fix It!

I realized rather quickly last evening that I was in an all out battle with my mother. Prior to abruptly being told that I would be "dealt" with so to speak in a few days, I didn't understand the magnitude of what I created. In true Vanessa fashion...I cried. And I cried some more & then I called Tracy & you guessed it, cried just a lil' bit more. As my babe drifted off to sleep I decided that something, one thing in particular needed to change. It's hard to put into words but there's a part of me that feels underestimated by mother. Yes, I'm all for the "it's takes a village to raise a child" but I'm the leader of said village!

Although my mother doesn't quite care for my airing of what one would consider "private/personal" this blog is about my life. All of it, which she so cleverly pointed out I don't dish about things intimate nature. This is not one of "those" kinds of blogs...lol! I'm feel confident in having covered that. The last time I checked we all know how babies are made :) But on serious note I want to make sure I convey that I love my mother. She drives me crazy and I know I give it right back to her; but, this is the dynamic of our relationship. No, it's not all giggles, laughs and pony's. But it's honest maybe not open in the sense that we just hash it out right then and there but we're working on it.

With all of that said I've come to the decision to put in Elle in daycare. For the past six months Elle has been the very lucky recipient of first class care. But it's A LOT of work! I can only one day hope to be a stay at home mom but in the mean time this working mom is going to give her mom a break. I'm not gonna lie it freaks me out to imagine dropping my baby girl off but I know that she is going to be in very capable and caring hands. I've found a great deal at the daycare a family friend works at. It's honestly a big huge blessing because childcare is anything but cheap. Not only that she'll be the hands of someone that I trust and that is a huge relief. We've, that would be my mother & I have yet to come to decision on the specifics but come the beginning of next month Elle will be starting her passage on becoming a woman of the world. I just hope we each are able to understand this is just a natural progression of things. She's got social skills & independence to aquire and well I've got to learn how to help guide her without being a "helicopter" mom. So here's to a few days of tears on both our parts but more importantly here's to us making our way in the world, together!


Thursday, May 6, 2010

Say what you Mean, and Mean what you say, but don't say it Mean

I can honestly say when it comes to talking open & honestly it's something that I'm still working on. It's not so much that it's hard to be open or honest it's the getting it out part. Thinking too much before you speak has got to be as bad as not thinking at all. At least this is the realization that I'm coming to.

When it comes the relationship I have with my mother it's one that means the world to me and frustrates the hell out of me, simultaneously. The entire purpose of this blog was share my triumphs and failures in way that allows me to get what I need off my chest and be honest with myself. It becomes challenging to do that when the people I write about are also the people who not only read this but who are a daily part of my life, i.e. my mother. There are times when I don't think she really understands the the affect of hers in a "grand scheme" of things kind of way. She's my biggest fan and critic all rolled up in one. It can all be too much at times and this is one of those times. Up to this point I haven't told anyone but my mother that she makes me feel like what I've termed "a deadbeat mom." In my pursuit to hold on and live the remainder of my single girl lifestyle I've heard some very hurtful things, all which I've expressed to her. It's our main point of contention and just when I think all is good and well I'm slapped in the face with the actuality that it couldn't be any further from the truth. It's aggravating but more than that it's hurtful.

Here's the thing: my mother is very much a homebody. I can remember being a little girl and she was Friday nights and weekends. I'm definitely a social butterfly to put it mildly. I enjoy nights out and time with my girlfriends. I don't think I do anything to the point where it's at the expense of Elle, but I could be mistaken. I thought we were finally reaching something that resembled balance. Balance between being a mom and being Vanessa (oh yeah, I'm still definitely someone's mother). Then in moments like this I feel like I'm back at square one and the only way to make things right is to grovel for forgiveness. I don't want to grovel. I want to be able to talk and even hear things I may not like if that means that we're moving forward. That's the problem in and of itself...communication. I'm sure if you asked my mother she'd admit that she is hardest on me mainly because she has a different level of expectation of me. That much I get.

This all stems from you guessed it, a miscommunication. What I would have done, what I wanted my mother to do and what my mother did are all three VERY different things. This all started with my Grams saying she'd take evening duties of Elle. Well, when dusk was upon us she wasn't exactly stepping up to the plate in a way which communicated to my mother that she was ready to take over. I would have just talked to Grams about it. She's the furthest from old and senile but there have been instances in the past where it either slipped her mind or she got her days confused. Like I said she's old...LOL! I wanted my mother to just talk to her! But that didn't happen. As I approached my destination I got a phone call that started like this, "Vee, I need you to go to some place quiet..." that can't be leading to anything good and it sure didn't! What my mother did , was unleash her frustration and tiredness (PS-she did have Elle all day) on yours truly. I was the recipient of what I think should have gone to someone else (i.e. Grams) but I guess that's part of being the mom. It all eventually circles back to me! I can honestly say I gave turning around and saying fuck it, some serious thought. It's like what's the point of making a plan when all falls apart and I'm the one to blame. All my mother hears is, "I don't not want to do things because I have Elle" now this is in context of something completely different but yet this is what was thrown at me. It's honestly how I feel. If there is something I want to do and Elle is a part of it, so be it. But I'm not NOT going to do something because I have her. She is a part of my life, like the biggest part. She lucked out and got a very social and happening mama. This she will come to know very soon. And for it she will have grace, style and sophistication very much like her mother.

As it stands like with every anger fueled exchange we're at the part where we aren't speaking to each other. I know sooner than later this will be just another "Vanette & Vanessa" moment but for the right now, it sucks! I don't want me and Elle to be like this. Sure some of it is normal, at least I think but if she isn't able to talk to me candidly, then who? That makes me laugh cause right now Elle can't talk...but one day my lil' baby is going to be a fiesty teenager, lord help me!


"To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” ~Anthony Robbins

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

You Can Run BUT You Can't Hide...

At least not for long!

When it comes to the baby making process one can not do it alone. Not surprisingly, in my case I didn't do it alone. However, when it comes to this thing called parenthood I'm very much in it alone. I've got a fabulous supporting cast and this would very much be a different experience without them but I don't have a teammate, as it goes it's Team Mom :)

I'll be the first proponent for the understanding that having a baby means doesn't mean togetherness on any level. It's a nice idea and all but that isn't necessarily how it works out.

Sidebar-I was watching the telly last night and saw this very interesting show. The woman was a paraplegic and she had a baby. It was actually an update. It had been four years & over this span of time she had gotten divorced, was dealing with not feeling/being back to how she felt pre-pregnancy and she could not have been a better example for what women will sacrifice for their kids. She in my opinion was the definition of strength. She required attendants to help her and aid in raising her son. But she saw the beauty and gift in life and although things weren't how she had pictured them ending up she was making the most of the life she had. It was actually very inspiring. It definitely put things in perspective. She was also venturing back out on to the dating scene. So there we have it...I'm not only going to love this thing called motherhood more then I thought I was capable of & I'm gonna find me a man!

I knew from the very beginning that DaddyWarBucks was not going to of his own free will hand over his money. I was going to have to rip it out of his hands. This marks the beginning of said ripping. From the looks of it it's going to be a long (albeit painful) tearing process. With a court date set my heart literally pounded out of my chest. All I could think was this is real. Really my life. This man really thinks he can choose to not be financially responsible for the life he took part in creating. That aside he's already a Dad! Evidently being responsible father of one doesn't mean when child number two comes along, the same will hold true. The day prior to the court appearance I called as stated on the paperwork and made sure that it was still on the calendar & was a go. After nearly having to give a urine sample to identify myself it took a matter of seconds to find out that the next step in the process would not be happening. As of yet he hasn't been served...Round #1-DaddyWarBucks. There is no way of knowing or predicting what the future holds. Elle is happy and healthy, that is matters to me most. Money is and will be just that, money. It's not time or love and when Elle looks back on her childhood those are two things that will matter more than anything can buy. Besides she's mesmerized by the simplest of things right now, $20 maracas that count, say colors and play music in english and spanish, not so much; BUT plastic QT cup to play with during bath time and the girl is in love!

There are moments when all I see when I look at Elle is him. It hurts my heart that this is the choice that he's making. He's missing out on knowing the most beautifully precious person.


Week #1-Focusing on the Positive

So as I begin the sendoff to this final 20lbs., week one rather fittingly begins with a glass half-full take on yourself. The question is: What is the one thing that you find makes you feel beautiful/good about yourself? And why?

At first I was anything but bombarded with answers, LOL! But after spending the majority of the day thinking about it I'd have say being bronze makes me feel good about myself. Yes, for those of you who are questioning my ethnicity; I indeed am black (and puerto-rican) and I love sunless tanner/bronzing lotion. I am not severely darker then my natural complexion but I have what I'd consider a lovely glow. Since I'm not able (and FYI-it's not healthy) to roast under the sun, I go this route. I've been doing it for years and normally start right around spring. I'd have to say Jennifer Lopez was my muse so to speak. I think she has gorgeous skin and to me there is nothing like pulling off a sunkissed glow.


Friday, April 30, 2010

150 Days of Mommyhood

On the day of the 28th, it wasn't til' about 7:00 that it dawned on me that it was Elle's five month anniversary on the planet. As I was talking about the date I actually thought it was the next day. Oppsy?! The picture above probably describes life best right now. For one, I'm exhausted. The days start as early as 4:45 and they don't end till' 9:00 or 10:00 that night. During the week I've got my morning routine down to about thirty-five minutes and that includes a shower! My hair is curly, the make-up is minimal (just enough to not scare anybody) & on a good day I'm scurrying out of the house no later then seven o'clock to start my commute to work. The funny thing is on this particular morning we were up before the sun at around 4:40, Elle was bright eyed and bushy tailed...LOL! After a brief once over I realized that she was indeed ready to start the day and so it began. The treat for me (yes there was something for mom) is that I was able to dry & straighten my hair. I'm pretty sure I was on-time to work too. Double win!

Elle has added oatmeal to the list of foods she's eating! We mix it with some fruit and babygirl is good to go. Although she is a lady of lesiure my mom is keeping her up longer throughout the day which ready's us for a successful full nights rest, which is rather nice. She's reaching and grabbing for things. One of her new favorites is my hair! I'm not lying when I tell you the girls got a fierce grip. She's teething. You can feel em' coming in but there is no evidence of them quite yet. The drool is non-stop & she's perfected being able to pull the passy out of her mouth and knaw on it. Not gonna lie, it's impressive. She's an absolute beauty and has a bubbly personality. Hold on, for a second I thought I was describing myself :) She lights up when she see's me after a long day apart. I think she's loves me?! Her growth and development amazes me. My little baby is growing into a little person and even though it's hard not to look forward to future milestones, I'm really gonna try and enjoy and embrace the present because I'm never going to get it back.


Monday, April 26, 2010

What Happened to Having Manners?

I'm what you'd call a "good girl." At least that is many a people's perception of me. Do I think it's way off? No, not at all. From an early age I've always sorta known that and at least outwardly did the best I could to live up to it. There was however a bump in this flawlessly paved road...I got pregnant. Good girls don't get pregnant. Wait. Scratch that. Do good girls even have sex...hmmmm?! LOL. A part of me can't help but feel kicked out of the club.

Over the weekend I ran into an old high school classmate/college roommate. It was great to see her, initially. After the girly yelp, hug and once over the very first out of this grown woman's mouth is: "I'm not gonna lie it kinda freaked me out you had a kid." Insert deep breath. Count to five. Just for fun take another deep breath. My response: You have two choices. Either you have a baby or you don't. I had a baby. She immediately chimed in: "NO, NO, you did the right thing!" Here's a warning that what I'm about to say might offend some people but I'm not going to make any apologies. Damn pro-lifers! I say that because I feel most harshly judged by people who don't see a choice. You got pregnant. You're having a baby. Except in reality it's not that simple. Facing parenthood alone is an awfully scary thing. It's ultimately a battle between this amazing realization that there is a life inside of you and the ulgy truth that is everything else. You have to do what's right for you. I did & even though I'm still most certainly working through the kinks if I for minute thought that I couldn't do this I would have seriously considered the alternatives. But alas, here we are...myself and Elle that is. She could not possibly bring more love and laughter into my life if she tried.

Having an opinion is clearly something that we're all entitled to. However, that doesn't give you the right to just say it. It's called tact and it's something that I think more people need to use. What happened to thinking before you speak? What happened to just shutting the hell up? What happened to good ol' fashioned gossiping? You know, telling your friend about this friend you have and so on and so forth. Hmmmmm....

All I can be is Vanessa. Mom. Friend. Lover.


PS-Whoever and wherever the lady in charge is. Please consider reinstating my membership, it would mean a lot to this good girl.

I'm sorry, I don't know how else to be...

I decided after much thought to take my last post down. I have a tendency to be passive aggressive. For me it's easier to make an an under handed comment then hash something out in a more productive manner. I also take more things than I should personally. It's easy to think something is or could be about you when in actuality you were nowhere on the person's radar. Here's to moving forward not only speaking up when I need to but also taking the time to really listen to myself internally & not fear doing what's right. I don't want to hold myself back because there's something exciting about the unknown, you don't know what's coming.

I wanna live. I wanna love. I wanna have fun. XOXO

Friday, April 16, 2010

Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. ~Author Unknown

Today is a day I've been looking forward to since I came to the harsh realization all pregnant women do...I can't fit my clothes. Eventually your expanding waist exceeds the inches allotted in those cute jeans and it's time to embrace the new section you're shopping in, maternity. In defense of maternity clothes and designers alike, I'll say this much, there are some fabulous finds out there! I had some really cute stuff but once you deliver baby and hit that in-between stage of not fitting your maternity stuff but nowhere near fitting your pre-pregnancy clothes, those self-deprecating thoughts start in.

The entire time I was pregnant becoming a fatty scared the hell out of me. I was scared because I used to be a fatty. Round face, chubby cheeks and size sixteen pants. I wish I could say I had a big booty but if you know me then you know that just isn't the case...LOL! But I wasn't happy. I looked at my friends and saw pretty girls with great personalities and I wasn't one of them. But after a year with Curves I finally stumbled upon some of my own. WOOOOO-HOOOOO baby :) And then I got pregnant and with that came major body changes. My boobs got bigger, my waist & hips spread, and I was literally lathering myself down with the Palmer's lotion to fend off stretch marks (FYI-it works!). There's one day in particular I remember like it was yesterday: I was getting dressed for work and went to put on one of my favorite dresses. Granted it was a lil' snug the previous time I had worn it I figured I could get one more wear out of it. Well, that wasn't the case and I popped the strap and proceeded to have a breakdown. It was that moment that jump started my packing away of the clothes that just weren't fitting and up went my maternity wardrobe.

Nine months later I had my babygirl. I decided to go easy on myself and permit a year to get back in shape. In my mind in year I'd be throwing Elle her first birthday party and I REFUSED to look anything less than fabulous! Well five months later and I'm not at my goal but I've very close. I'm only thirteen pounds from my goal weight. I currently weigh: 163 lbs. and ideally I'd like to be 150 lbs. The only time I'm able to get time in at the gym is during my lunch. I'm going daily (at least most days) and doing 40 minutes on the treadmill, eliptical or combination or both in addition to some various arm and leg work; oh, and you can't forget crunches. At times it doesn't seem like nearly enough but I guess it's working! And I'm so proud of myself!

Since I'm nearing my goal and it's the last ten pounds or so that seem to be the biggest pain in the ass I'm gonna be a part of the "Losing 1lb. at a Time Challenge." I think it'll be great to encourage as well as get encouragement and being held accountable will (hopefully) help me get my liquid calorie intake in check. See with me you can keep your cake and cookies it's the alcohol I have issues saying no to. Here's to taking it one pound at a time!


PS-I would also like to address how far it is I feel I've come. I'm referring to the picture in the top right corner. The way I see it...I'm being honest! And it couldn't feel better. I'm the first to say I definitely have cuter days but this is me in the dress that I haven't been able to fit in over a year. Cut me some slack!

That was more for me than you...but thanks for just going with it!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Pity Party of One

Today has just been one of those days. I'm feeling emotionally taxed and in need of a good cry. Wait. Scratch that. Several small crying fits, a punching bag, cold beer & my snuggie. I would prefer it in that order too (hope I'm not asking for too much). I suppose you could chalk it up to my first day back to being on mom duty and eight to fivin' it. For the past two and half days I was living it up on vacation in (drum roll please....) Las Vegas! To say it was fabulously fantastic is still not doing it justice. From heading there to touching back down it was laughs & good times. My mantra: Drink.Gamble.Eat.Repeat.

The drinks were strong. The men were attractive. The weather lovely. The home of my Father. We spent some long overdue quality time together. The last time I saw him I was fourteen & there's really no clear cut reason as to why so much time passed believe I've racked my brain. All I can say is that life happened. And this is really where the tearing up and reflecting began. Vegas allowed me something I haven't had since I don't know when, quiet time. An opportunity to really look within and figure some things out. I feel like a way bigger mess then I let on or even think people see. I'm what you'd call chasing perfection. I present having it together when more times then not I feel anything but that. It's actually ironic because I'm told regularly by my closest friends that they I'm strong and they're proud of me. How can anyone be proud me when I'm not even proud of myself? This is hard. No, not impossible. But unbelievably hard. As I type this I hear, "It won't be this way forever." And although I do really believe and trust it won't be it doesn't do much to change the fact that right here, right now, this is how I feel. As I trudge ahead I know that I will make more of an effort to make my Dad a larger part of my life. I see this old man who I forgot was so incredibly special to me. He's warm and has the ability to make anyone laugh. We don't have our parents forever and it was a wake up call. To love the two people I call Mom & Dad.

For now this is enough. XOXO

120 days of Mommyhood

This is my four month old lil' beauty! She is quite the character. Her personality is beginning to come out more and more with everyday. She's talkative and spending more of the day with her eyes wide open & enjoying her view of the world. The culmination of four months came with the introduction of....baby food. It started and very quickly ended with the rice cereal. She HATED it! After talking about it with some other moms I soon realized that it was about finding what Elle enjoyed eating versus treating the Gerber guidelines as the end all & be all on baby nutrition. On the menu first were sweet potatoes, which she LOVED! Since then I've stuck to orange veggies (i.e. squash, carrots, etc). Next, is introducing fruits & in just a few months we'll be moving up to tasty combinations like sweet potato and apple. Also, on the food horizon I will be making Elle's food. I said I was gonna do it and well damn it...I'm gonna do it! LOL


Thursday, March 25, 2010

Don't Burn the House Down Mom

Sunday morning started off normal enough. I got up and got myself ready for church. I decided to sterilize Elle's bottles and boil the caps and that piece of the bottle that holds the nipple, you know you twist it on (forgive me for not knowing it's correct name). Any who, the microwave gets set for 8:30 and I set the oven timer for 3:00. Enter Elle crying. I decide I might as well bathe her versus just change her diaper. So we get the bathroom set up, clothes laid out and the baby gets clean & before you know it is smelling sweet (she's got Johnson & Johnson Vanilla Oatmeal baby wash and lotion) & looking like a shiny new penny. I get her dressed, barrette in hair and walk into a smoke filled living room.


Yes, while I was attempting and mind you failing miserably at multi-tasking I was boiling the hell out of the caps and that other piece. I should have taken a picture of the pot I ruined. It was quite the sight. Smoke rising to the skylights. What a m-e-double s! So I got the burner turned off. Opened up every door and window I could and got the fan going on high. Needless to say this threw a major wrench in the whole going to church thing.

I tried to persevere and make the most of the day. At the top of the list & to be honest the only thing on the list since its such a time consuming task: laundry.
It started out easy enough. Load 1 in the wash. Elle napping. Load 1 in the dryer. Elle bright eyed and bushy tailed. Load 1 dried & ready to be folded. In an effort to actually get the laundry folded and not remain in the laundry basket all week, I put Elle in her walker (proof below)...

She looks like she's having a good time to me. How about you? Well that lasted all of 2.5 seconds before...

Yep, that's right. She was back in my arms. Such a spoiled baby! But somehow I managed to get the laundry folded (to my high standards) and eventually put away.

In the midst of tending to this I also got three of my own loads of laundry done. It's almost the end of the week and there is still stuff hanging in the bathroom and in the dryer. The important part is that it's clean & when I don't find it hanging in the closet I know that it's in the dryer. I guess it's helped that no one else has done laundry either. Thank God for the little things :)


Let me Introduce You to: Ms. Fussy Pants

Elle was in rare form when my Mom brought her up for lunch. My office was having a BBQ, the weather was supposed to be fantastic and I couldn't think of a better way to enjoy all of the above then with my Elle.

She looked normal enough upon first glance but not even ten minutes later she was a crying fussy pants. There proved to be no soothing her. We went down the check-list: change diaper. check. feed the baby. check. slap the baby upside the head. oh wait, I'm getting ahead of myself...LOL! FYI-I would never actually do that it would be counter productive to calming her down :) We walked outside for some fresh air. Came back into the office, calmed down but not very long after that she was back at it and we were back outside. This time to stay though. We plopped down on the grass and enjoyed the sunshine. Before you knew it though it was time for me to get back to work and my mother was bullying me for some dessert, hahaha.

Here's how we spent our hour in picture form:

This was once Elle, I mean we decided that staying outside was the new plan.

She tricked us. This was just a few minutes before we headed back outside.

She was falling apart but still looking cute as a button.

She needed a moment to recompose herself.

Still suspicious but on board for enjoying the rest of the time we had together.

GROUP shot!

All smiles & having fun with Gram-Gram.

Me & my boo :)

Elle all buckled in & ready to head home.