Thursday, January 6, 2011

Bloggy Dare-The Day I Found Out I Was Pregnant

I don't recall what the date was when I found out I was pregnant. I do however remember the date of conception, it was St. Patrick's Day. It will forever be a day I look back on and can (now) laugh about. The shirt I was wearing said "Most Likely to Get Lucky" and well I guess you'd call that irony, right?! I can hear my best friend getting a good laugh from all of the above because we were actually together at a local watering hole, celebrating like we do every year. Said watering hole is where we both met men that have come to have a great effect on our lives, she found love and I found my babydaddy. But I digress...

Here's a link to the post I wrote back in 2009 when I found out I was pregnant. I think it's a perfect reflection of where I was and even though I've tried I don't anything I write now could truly do the moment justice.


Wednesday, January 5, 2011

It Only Took Me Five Days...

I'm ninety-seven of a hundred and seventy-four, and when I signed up for the Blog Dare, I was gun-ho to say the least and well it took me a few days (plus two) to get it together. But it's with full confidence I admit to my shortcomings and look forward to the next three hundred and sixty days of showing what being too cute for mom jeans is all about. Enjoy!

I initially started a blog that was just about my life. I was watching an episode of Oprah and was kind of inspired to just find my niche in the blog sphere. It actually didn't get too far along before I found my life taking a detour that I never saw coming, it all changed with two pink lines (which rather fittingly happens to be the title of the first blog I ever wrote). It was then that I decided to set out into deep waters of mom blogging and well try and stay afloat. There are a ton of women that are giving there unique experience in all things mother. I find it completely inspiring, there are these catchy names, beautiful blogs and women being honest in a way that isn't so easy. I picked a rather precarious moment in time to start but sometimes you have to just throw sense aside and say, "Hello world! I'm here, I'm single, I'm preggers" and there you have it, Too Cute for Mom Jeans was birth.

I started writing to get through a time in my life when things as I knew them were changing in ways I couldn't truly foresee or prepare for, even though I naively thought that's what I was doing. We all find ourselves entering the wonderful world of motherhood differently and for some of us we are doing it alone. Is it the end of the world? No, not by a long shot. Is it scary as hell? Yes & it comes in waves and hits you like a ton of bricks. Oh, and your pregnant! So you can pretty much throw everything that makes sense out the window and hold on tight, it's going to be one wild ride...

and this is mine!


Tuesday, January 4, 2011

My Lil' Nugget

Last night I was blogging away and when technology failed me and none of it saved. I couldn't bring myself to try again so with that I went to bed and decided to give myself a pass. Here I am today, refreshed and writing significantly earlier than I normally do.

Yesterday I decided I would start taking a cue from Elle and use her to learn and laugh from. I've been deep in brainstorm mode with what to term it and decided to take my inspiration from Chelsea Handler, she calls her assistant Chuy her little nugget and well Elle looks like a nugget so there we have it, my lil' nugget. Since yesterday's was so good I'm going to start with that.

Go with your gut, I was watching television and Elle was playing in the hallway when there was a noise at the door. Elle got up and like a little lightning bolt made her way to me. My mom was unlocking the door and it scared her, it was absolutely hilarious.

I've got a fussy girl in need of a nap in my arms, yes I typed this with her in my arms...


Sunday, January 2, 2011

L.O., L.O., L.O., L.O.V.E.

The thought of blogging everyday has started to weigh on me. In both good and bad ways, on the plus side I'll be able to say "I DID IT!" everyday I made the time for myself, to do something purely for my enjoyment. On the flip side though I'm uneasy about where exactly my subject matter will be going. Motherhood is a unique experience for each of us that wear the sash "Mom" and this is my take on it, so with that said (or written rather)...hold on tight!

Today I amerced myself in the OWN network and watched a show titled "in search of..." it made me sorta see the moment Elle asks me about "DaddyWarBucks" (as I've previously termed him). I watched both the triumph and sadness that comes with deciding to search for your biological parent. Our mothers and fathers hold such a special place in the fiber of the people that we are and when one (or both even) of those is missing there is a part of us missing and it's only human nature to want to fill it by finding them. With the help of a genealogist one man was able to find his father, have a brief phone conversation and in weeks was meeting him. It was an overwhelming sweet moment. He was also able to meet extended family members. Then there were a set of twins who were adopted and in search of there birth mother. They were able to find her and she denied being there mother. It was a gut wrenching moment. It eventually came to the surface that she too was also adopted. Which just added another layer of hurt, confusion and sadness.

So although I haven't really decided what I'm going to say I do know that it has to be age appropriate honesty. Although I constantly wrestle with writing a letter or sending a picture, I really, honestly believe that this man could care less. He doesn't get to cause more pain then he already has and I know that he knows how to contact to me. The good news is that I do wholeheartedly believe that there is someone out there who will love the both of us.

Love is a bond stronger than DNA...


Saturday, January 1, 2011

I'm back...Happy New Year!

I'm making Day #1 of 2011 count. Its consisted of waking up with a headache, a fabulous nap, power outage, and two significant challenges. First, I've decided to make this the year my blog finds its place in the "Blogging Momma" realm and with that I'll be blogging daily in 2011. In an effort to make things more interesting I'll also be doing a "Single Mom's Lesson of the Day." My intent is daily reflection, everyday has started to feel the same and this is my way of being able to enjoy this moment in it's entirety.

Weeks ago I said today is D-day, Elle's first day as an independent sleeper, up until now we've been living it up with little regard for Elle's bed hogging ways. It wasn't until dusk hit that I started wrestling with what I had signed myself up for and as it got later and Elle showed signs of sleepiness it hit me, there were gonna be tears and little understanding but this is what we needed, I want my bed back and Elle's a big girl, I mean a little-big girl. So with the night light plugged in and a full belly she dozed off, I gave her about 20 min. and decided I was either going to make my move or fail. So I laid her in the crib and the tears hit instantly, insert deep breath. I stayed strong, laid her down, rubbed her back, reassured her that I loved her and this was not a form of torture but a moment of liberation! It took at least five tries of soothing but, drum roll please......WE DID IT! She fell asleep and I learned this: celebrate the small victories. I wanted this day to come but there was a part of me dreading it and to be honest I wasn't sure if I was going to make it but the alternative wasn't acceptable. I'm the mom, I'd like to think that means I'm in charge, it's my job and I take it seriously! This small triumph has helped me to realize the importantance of both independence and structure and I will be working daily to make sure that I'm encouraging both every way I possibly can.

There's so much to catch up on but the good news is that there's plenty of time to cover what I'd like to call "the bad, the ulgy and what happend to the good?" that last few months of my life have been. But for now, it's a new year and what I'd like to do is take a nod from this site, my word I want to embrace love in all it's different ways this year, it goes without saying that I'd like to find love, or does it find you?'s to love!