Tuesday, May 4, 2010

You Can Run BUT You Can't Hide...

At least not for long!

When it comes to the baby making process one can not do it alone. Not surprisingly, in my case I didn't do it alone. However, when it comes to this thing called parenthood I'm very much in it alone. I've got a fabulous supporting cast and this would very much be a different experience without them but I don't have a teammate, as it goes it's Team Mom :)

I'll be the first proponent for the understanding that having a baby means doesn't mean togetherness on any level. It's a nice idea and all but that isn't necessarily how it works out.

Sidebar-I was watching the telly last night and saw this very interesting show. The woman was a paraplegic and she had a baby. It was actually an update. It had been four years & over this span of time she had gotten divorced, was dealing with not feeling/being back to how she felt pre-pregnancy and she could not have been a better example for what women will sacrifice for their kids. She in my opinion was the definition of strength. She required attendants to help her and aid in raising her son. But she saw the beauty and gift in life and although things weren't how she had pictured them ending up she was making the most of the life she had. It was actually very inspiring. It definitely put things in perspective. She was also venturing back out on to the dating scene. So there we have it...I'm not only going to love this thing called motherhood more then I thought I was capable of & I'm gonna find me a man!

I knew from the very beginning that DaddyWarBucks was not going to of his own free will hand over his money. I was going to have to rip it out of his hands. This marks the beginning of said ripping. From the looks of it it's going to be a long (albeit painful) tearing process. With a court date set my heart literally pounded out of my chest. All I could think was this is real. Really my life. This man really thinks he can choose to not be financially responsible for the life he took part in creating. That aside he's already a Dad! Evidently being responsible father of one doesn't mean when child number two comes along, the same will hold true. The day prior to the court appearance I called as stated on the paperwork and made sure that it was still on the calendar & was a go. After nearly having to give a urine sample to identify myself it took a matter of seconds to find out that the next step in the process would not be happening. As of yet he hasn't been served...Round #1-DaddyWarBucks. There is no way of knowing or predicting what the future holds. Elle is happy and healthy, that is matters to me most. Money is and will be just that, money. It's not time or love and when Elle looks back on her childhood those are two things that will matter more than anything can buy. Besides she's mesmerized by the simplest of things right now, $20 maracas that count, say colors and play music in english and spanish, not so much; BUT plastic QT cup to play with during bath time and the girl is in love!

There are moments when all I see when I look at Elle is him. It hurts my heart that this is the choice that he's making. He's missing out on knowing the most beautifully precious person.


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