Monday, November 5, 2012

Dear Vanessa Past

Today's Prompt: Write a letter to your 14-year-old self. Tomorrow, write a letter I yourself in 20 years.

The year was 1996. I had just relocated to the place I've come to call home. I was a high school freshman. And I shaved my legs for the very first time!


You don't know this, not the way that you should but you are smart, you are beautiful and you are talented in ways you've yet to discover. Life is full of happy and sad, ups and downs, successes and regrets. Learn from each and every one of them. Love appears when you least expect it from the unlikeliest of candidates. Embrace it. Heartbreak happens. Cry. Feel it. But don't wait too long to do it again, as crazy as it sounds.

College is going to be one of the best times of your life. Live it! Don't be afraid. Figure out who you are & what you want. Don't stop until you're that person and you're where you want to be. No one can make you happier or love you more than you can! Always remember that. Always. People are going to come into your life and the ones that are meant to be there will. For the rest remember the good times and let it go. Don't hold on. Don't make excuses.

PS-Quit being a people pleaser! And stop with all the self depreciating! Oh, mistakes. They happen.

Always be that sweet girl. Hold on to her fiercely! Don't let anything or anyone change that. If you do it's going to be harder then I can possibly put into words to find again. Love all the things that make you, you. Your snort. Your laugh. Your height. Your awesome rack! And all the snarky, not so nice bits that only a select few will ever see. Own it. Love it. Every last bit.

"This is my wish for you: Comfort on your difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, hugs when your spirits sag,  beauty for your eye to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt,  courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, love to complete your life" 


Friday, November 2, 2012

Me & My Other BFF

Today's Prompt: When is the last time you felt really, truly lonely?

So technically I should have wrote this yesterday however I like to think that I march to the beat of my own drum. It probably goes more like I didn't come across this until late in the day. I had a Junior League commitment, didn't get home from that until close to 8:00pm, ate dinner and put my daughter to bed which in theory is putting myself to bed. And here I find myself at 5:30am, playing catch up & jamming to the Afrojack Pandora station. But now back to the task at hand...

If I were being honest which is what I think one should be when blogging then my answer would be simple. I struggle with loneliness. There I said it or rather typed it, same difference...right? Right. Let's take it back to the beginning for an example of sorts. Me & my "real life" bestie met men who would end up playing key roles in our lives on the same day at the same place. Press fast forward and you have me: The girl who had her whole world change after one passion filled romp. See example A, my beautiful daughter. And then you have her: The girl who found her husband. Yeah, take a minute. Go on and choke that one down. PS-I love my bestie. I'm her maid honor. I couldn't be happier for her.

I'm "the mom" in my circle of friends. I know one day that won't be the case. I also know that if you were to look at my facebook page you'd see pictures of me out, about and having a good time. True enough. But be lonley hits when it's quite, my daughters sleeping, on a rare occassion I'm in the car alone and it's just me, myself & I. No one wins playing the "what if" game. What if I didn't pregnant? What if I had a significant other? What if, what if, what if? This is all I know. Doing it alone. I also just hit the big 3-0 and it's left me in a really weird space & trying to figure out what's going to make me happy. I am not sure what the answer is as of yet. I just know that I want to be embracing this idea of living, loving life in my singlemotherdom [is that a word. I'm pretty sure not. The perks of blogging.]

I'm not the first mom to be sitting at my computer and cry. I doubt I'm the last. But dammit if it doesn't feel good.