Tuesday, July 21, 2009

A Good Laugh

I was in the car this morning and listening to the radio. There was a person on the show who recently gave birth and they used to play this song in her honor, it was hilarious! Of course I had to look up the lyrics and share:

Pregnant Women are Smug
Pregnant women are smug
Everyone knows it, nobody says it
Because they're pregnant
Effing son of a gun
You think you're so deep now, you give me the creeps
Now that you're pregnant
I can't count all the ways how
You speak in cliches now
Riki: So, do you want a boy or a girl?
Kate: Oh, doesn't matter as long as it's healthy
Riki: Really? 'Cause I don't feel that those two things are related. It's not like one or the other.
Kate: Oh, really, as long as it's healthy.
I can't wait to hear someone say
"Don't care if it's brain dead
Don't care if it's limbless
If it has a penis"
Pregnant women are smug
Everyone knows it, nobody says it
Because they're pregnant
This zen world you're enjoying
Makes you really annoying
Riki: So, is it a boy or girl?
Kate: Oh, we know, but we're not telling.
Riki: What you're gonna name it?
Kate: Oh, we know, but we're not telling.
Riki: Who's the father?
Kate: Oh, we know, but we're not telling.
Bitch, I don't really care
I was being polite
Since you have no life now
That you're pregnant
You say you're walking on air
You think that you're glowing
But you've been ho'ing
And now your pregnant
You're just giving birth now
You're not mother earth now
Riki: Oh my gosh, I've got so much going on. I got my novel published, I moved, I got married.
Kate: Gosh, you know, everything seems so trivial now that I'm pregnant.
Riki: Well, I also helped end gang violence in Mexico when...
Kate: You know, I can't even remember what I did before I was pregnant. Everything else seems so meaningless.
Pregnant women are smug
Everyone knows it, nobody says it
Because they're pregnant
Effing son of a gun
You think you're so deep now, you give me the creeps now
Now that you're pregnant

A Light Bulb Moment

Being pregnant has given me the opportunity to not only get to know myself in a new way but take a closer look at the important relationships in my life. They say it takes a village to raise a child and boy do I get it now. I'm so absolutely privileged to have the people that are a part of my life. It's truly how I've learned that it's about the length of time you've known someone it's about the quality of time you've shared with them, two of the most special people in my life I haven't known more than a year and one of them is going to have one of the coveted positions of god mother. Then there are people who I've known for years, for instance my best friend. Recently, there's been a distance between us and it spawns from my pregnancy. It's really shown me things I didn't know about myself. For one, if you mess with my child you mess with me (suppose those are the maternal instincts kicking in...lol). I've adopted an "either your with me or against me" mentality and thus far haven't looked back. I think for the first time I'm taking a stand for what I believe in and I'm making no apologies for it. It feels good but I see that not everything is as black & white as I treat it. It wasn't until we spoke recently that I realized how much I missed her and how much she had missed in the past few months of my pregnancy. Up until then I just couldn't see past my hurt feelings. I'm looking forward to reconnecting and having be a part of this crazy time. I have another friend one I think I actually hurt. She's someone for the longest I considered my best friend. We've shared a lot together. But it took me a very long time to see that we placed different value on our friendship. We spent time alienated from one anothers lives but somehow have managed to find a way to bond again. I missed a special moment that she actually wanted me to be a part of. I think most of the reason I'm surprised by that is because I've accepted that maybe our friendship wasn't everything I defined it as. I felt incredibly bad because it wasn't purposeful it really was an accident. I hope in time she'll forgive me and we'll continue to share in the experience of soon to be motherhood together.

I couldn't possibly end this without speaking about the most important person of all...my mom. I'd be lying if I said the beginning of my pregnancy wasn't rocky between the two of us. But I can say that being able to communicate and listen as allowed us to strengthen our bond. I know unequivocally that she loves me and is there for me. We recently had a heart-to-heart and she understood me in a way that I didn't even understand myself. It was amazing! She's my rock and I'm incredibly lucky to have her support and love.

PS-sending love to rebecca, tracy, candace & kyi....love you girls!

mommy to be. XOXO

Monday, July 20, 2009

Drumroll Please...

I found out last week that I'll be having a....GIRL! I'm so incredibly positively excited. My baby girl is on the way! I went to visit another doctor not really sure under what pretense, oh how I love being in the loop. Not too long into the visit I figured out why I was actually there. I have hydrocephalus, which basically means that the fluid around my brain at one time was causing pressure and close to unbearable pain. So I have a shunt which is a tube that drains out the fluid and I haven't had a problem since. The thing is it's usually something that can be caught at birth. In my case I suffered some sort of trauma that started this and it wasn't until I was twenty-three that it started to hurt & that's when I had the surgery, so that was one thing they wanted to check. On my last visit with my doctor I had blood work done to check for down syndrome and other possible defects the baby could be born with. They told me that if I didn't hear from them that everything was normal. Well the good news is I didn't hear back from them and at my appointment the doctor told me that my results were normal! Before the doctor came in to see me the ultrasound tech measured all her limbs and checked her weight. While she was trying to do that it was amazing to see how much moving she was doing in there. It was so funny! I couldn't believe this tiny little person (PS-she's only like ten ounces) was twisting and turning in there. I'm also not sure how all that's going to feel once I can actually feel it...lol! But when the doctor came in to check her spine, heart and skull she had gotten cozy in one particular position. He said that was pretty normal and she might not move for a day or two so after trying to coax her to move he eventually gave up and told me that I would have to return so that he could be positive there was nothing to be alarmed about. So until then I'm optimistically cautious....

mommy to be. XOXO

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Welcome to the Motherhood Club

It's a rare occasion that I'm home to watch Oprah but, last Friday I found myself in that position (thanks to the 4th of July holiday). It couldn't have been a better a better topic. It was tackling the truth about of motherhood (here's the link: http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090311-tows-mom-truth). Ding, Ding, Ding....FINALLY! I don't have a "mom support group" at the moment. Although early on I realized the undeniable benefit this will serve in my life I'm still in the putting together stages (i.e. is there a step prior to brainstorming because that's where I'm on it).

The show featured two women who were mom's, BFF's and authors. There books have clever titles such as: I Was a Really Good Mom before I Had Kids and Dirty Little Secrets of Otherwise Perfect Moms. Both of which I have ordered (reading a pregnant gal's newest favorite hobby). Here is some more on them: http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090311-tows-mom-truth/9
It was an open and honest discussion about motherhood, it was extremely enlightening. My light bulb moment came when I realized the image of perfection I'm chasing. I feel pressure to be "perfect", it's self imposed and apparently not very realistic. I guess for me there is an image I've always had of the type of mother I would be and it's beginning stages of showing itself. I guess I've always seen it in black or white terms either I'm the best or I'm a failure, and there is no room for adjusting or tweaking as may be needed. I want to be able to do it all, make dinner and get a good nights sleep, and some nights that just may not be the case. As I go through my pregnancy I am surprised at how much better I am at going with the flow, being less high-maintenance and not letting other peoples opinion weigh on the plan I'm setting into motion.

I also think some of my chase for perfection comes from doing it alone. If it's just going to be me then I've got to be the best version of me as a mom that I can be. I feel like there are some people who look at me like there sorry for me, like there is no way they could imagine having to go through what I am. For instance, when I was catching up with a friend (also pregnant) of mine she said, "I'm just sorry you don't have a John" (i.e. her husband). Okay. Wait a minute. Seriously? I'm not sorry and it's in moments like this where I'm able to find strength. It's also not surprisingly when my competitive spirit grabs a hold of me, what can I say? I can't help it. I also don't want to be looked down on or pitied. Although I've yet to achieve the things I want career wise, I am well on my way and just became the proud owner of a new extra push...my baby. I tend to lean toward thinking my take no prisoner's attitude will serve us just fine.

Here's to finding perfection in my imperfection....
mommy to be. XOXO