Today's Prompt: Write a letter to your 14-year-old self. Tomorrow, write a letter I yourself in 20 years.
The year was 1996. I had just relocated to the place I've come to call home. I was a high school freshman. And I shaved my legs for the very first time!
Vanessa,
You don't know this, not the way that you should but you are smart, you are beautiful and you are talented in ways you've yet to discover. Life is full of happy and sad, ups and downs, successes and regrets. Learn from each and every one of them. Love appears when you least expect it from the unlikeliest of candidates. Embrace it. Heartbreak happens. Cry. Feel it. But don't wait too long to do it again, as crazy as it sounds.
College is going to be one of the best times of your life. Live it! Don't be afraid. Figure out who you are & what you want. Don't stop until you're that person and you're where you want to be. No one can make you happier or love you more than you can! Always remember that. Always. People are going to come into your life and the ones that are meant to be there will. For the rest remember the good times and let it go. Don't hold on. Don't make excuses.
PS-Quit being a people pleaser! And stop with all the self depreciating! Oh, mistakes. They happen.
Always be that sweet girl. Hold on to her fiercely! Don't let anything or anyone change that. If you do it's going to be harder then I can possibly put into words to find again. Love all the things that make you, you. Your snort. Your laugh. Your height. Your awesome rack! And all the snarky, not so nice bits that only a select few will ever see. Own it. Love it. Every last bit.
"This is my wish for you: Comfort on your difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, hugs when your spirits sag, beauty for your eye to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, love to complete your life"
XOXO
Monday, November 5, 2012
Friday, November 2, 2012
Me & My Other BFF
Today's Prompt: When is the last time you felt really, truly lonely?
So technically I should have wrote this yesterday however I like to think that I march to the beat of my own drum. It probably goes more like I didn't come across this until late in the day. I had a Junior League commitment, didn't get home from that until close to 8:00pm, ate dinner and put my daughter to bed which in theory is putting myself to bed. And here I find myself at 5:30am, playing catch up & jamming to the Afrojack Pandora station. But now back to the task at hand...
If I were being honest which is what I think one should be when blogging then my answer would be simple. I struggle with loneliness. There I said it or rather typed it, same difference...right? Right. Let's take it back to the beginning for an example of sorts. Me & my "real life" bestie met men who would end up playing key roles in our lives on the same day at the same place. Press fast forward and you have me: The girl who had her whole world change after one passion filled romp. See example A, my beautiful daughter. And then you have her: The girl who found her husband. Yeah, take a minute. Go on and choke that one down. PS-I love my bestie. I'm her maid honor. I couldn't be happier for her.
I'm "the mom" in my circle of friends. I know one day that won't be the case. I also know that if you were to look at my facebook page you'd see pictures of me out, about and having a good time. True enough. But be lonley hits when it's quite, my daughters sleeping, on a rare occassion I'm in the car alone and it's just me, myself & I. No one wins playing the "what if" game. What if I didn't pregnant? What if I had a significant other? What if, what if, what if? This is all I know. Doing it alone. I also just hit the big 3-0 and it's left me in a really weird space & trying to figure out what's going to make me happy. I am not sure what the answer is as of yet. I just know that I want to be embracing this idea of living, loving life in my singlemotherdom [is that a word. I'm pretty sure not. The perks of blogging.]
I'm not the first mom to be sitting at my computer and cry. I doubt I'm the last. But dammit if it doesn't feel good.
XOXO
So technically I should have wrote this yesterday however I like to think that I march to the beat of my own drum. It probably goes more like I didn't come across this until late in the day. I had a Junior League commitment, didn't get home from that until close to 8:00pm, ate dinner and put my daughter to bed which in theory is putting myself to bed. And here I find myself at 5:30am, playing catch up & jamming to the Afrojack Pandora station. But now back to the task at hand...
If I were being honest which is what I think one should be when blogging then my answer would be simple. I struggle with loneliness. There I said it or rather typed it, same difference...right? Right. Let's take it back to the beginning for an example of sorts. Me & my "real life" bestie met men who would end up playing key roles in our lives on the same day at the same place. Press fast forward and you have me: The girl who had her whole world change after one passion filled romp. See example A, my beautiful daughter. And then you have her: The girl who found her husband. Yeah, take a minute. Go on and choke that one down. PS-I love my bestie. I'm her maid honor. I couldn't be happier for her.
I'm "the mom" in my circle of friends. I know one day that won't be the case. I also know that if you were to look at my facebook page you'd see pictures of me out, about and having a good time. True enough. But be lonley hits when it's quite, my daughters sleeping, on a rare occassion I'm in the car alone and it's just me, myself & I. No one wins playing the "what if" game. What if I didn't pregnant? What if I had a significant other? What if, what if, what if? This is all I know. Doing it alone. I also just hit the big 3-0 and it's left me in a really weird space & trying to figure out what's going to make me happy. I am not sure what the answer is as of yet. I just know that I want to be embracing this idea of living, loving life in my singlemotherdom [is that a word. I'm pretty sure not. The perks of blogging.]
I'm not the first mom to be sitting at my computer and cry. I doubt I'm the last. But dammit if it doesn't feel good.
XOXO
Thursday, September 6, 2012
A Little Spit Shine
I envisioned my triumphant return to the keyboard happening under a different set of circumstances. It'd be me basically saying that life has been so fabulous finding the time to sit and write about it was just too much to ask for. The jet setting. The parties. The hobnobbing.
Instead I find myself a wee bit pissed off and unlike times past I thought, "Why don't you just blog it out?" It's basically me talking to myself. Freeing myself of whatever garbage has piled up or on the flip side sharing the happy, funny & so on and so forth. On a side note, someone asked me yesterday if I was still blogging. It kind of caught me off guard but gave me even more of a push to make myself sit here and say you know what I'm having a shitty day. I think it can be more accurately described as a period of shit-tastic-ness.
Living the glamorous life of a stay-at-home mom means that I live, eat and breathe my daughter, which conviently means eight [or so] times out of ten the reason I'm irritated in someway involves her [either directly or indirectly]. Today my mother was in charge of dropping and picking Elle up from preschool. I sent her text inquiring how drop off went, pretty much holding my breath that it went smoothly. Fortunately for all involved it did. Fast forward three hours and it's pick up time and the report back was "very embarassing picking Elle up..."
Insert an expletive or two on my end along with a tear or two or three of frustation and their you have it.
Elle is rounding the corner to her third birthday. She's not a demon baby. She's got quite a bit of spunk. A temper. She's bossy. Likes things done her way. And for those who know me I just described myself. Guess that's where the phrase "mini-me" came from, huh? She didn't come with instructions. I have no idea what I'm doing. I take that back I'm figuring it out as I go. I don't beat her. I have enforced a time out or two. We've had more "mini discussions" regarding her bad decision making skills than I can count. She's one smart tough cookie! She knows how she can act with who. She knows when she's done something wrong because she starts chirping that she's sorry. That in of itself shows intelligence. Tears come with the territory. She cries for any and every reason most of which tears aren't warranted but you try telling her that. It doesn't phase me. If we're out and she asks for something and the answer is no, which by the way rarely is then the waterworks ensue. Do I like it? No. Who wants to be the parent with the kid who's crying and screaming? Uh, no one! But it happens. I say stare or look away and tell yourself under your breathe that'll never be me. Which PS is a lie. It will be. But when it comes to my mother it's embarassing. She's claimed recently to not be phased by it but I know that if she could run away or pretend to not know us she would. I'm not offended at least not when I'm there to do the mothering. I haven't quite mastered being able to do that when I'm not there, like this afternoon.
To add insult to injury she throws in "if she's acting this way how does she behave in class?" All I could think was "did you really just say that?"
How about we go back and see how you behaved at this age. See that's the problem it's been what 1912 since she had little ones & she didn't play the role of disciplinarian. I'm judge, jury and treat giver. I have yet to actually hear the details of the horror that was the afternoon pick up. I'm sure we'll sit down and have a discussion what it will resolve exactly I have no idea. We mother different. We know this already. I'll listen with one ear open just in case. However, I did e-mail Elle's teacher just as a precaution. I assume that Elle's behavior isn't anything out of the ordinary. Tears. Not sharing. Having to repeat yourself. All seem par for the course. I am very curious to hear what she has to say. I promise to take it with an open mind and heart. Neither of which are easy but whatever needs to addressed should be so that we can continue to be a part of the preschool. She's got two years left and mom needs the three hour break!
Holy crap, I feel better! Nothing a little venting can't fix...
XOXO
Instead I find myself a wee bit pissed off and unlike times past I thought, "Why don't you just blog it out?" It's basically me talking to myself. Freeing myself of whatever garbage has piled up or on the flip side sharing the happy, funny & so on and so forth. On a side note, someone asked me yesterday if I was still blogging. It kind of caught me off guard but gave me even more of a push to make myself sit here and say you know what I'm having a shitty day. I think it can be more accurately described as a period of shit-tastic-ness.
Living the glamorous life of a stay-at-home mom means that I live, eat and breathe my daughter, which conviently means eight [or so] times out of ten the reason I'm irritated in someway involves her [either directly or indirectly]. Today my mother was in charge of dropping and picking Elle up from preschool. I sent her text inquiring how drop off went, pretty much holding my breath that it went smoothly. Fortunately for all involved it did. Fast forward three hours and it's pick up time and the report back was "very embarassing picking Elle up..."
Insert an expletive or two on my end along with a tear or two or three of frustation and their you have it.
Elle is rounding the corner to her third birthday. She's not a demon baby. She's got quite a bit of spunk. A temper. She's bossy. Likes things done her way. And for those who know me I just described myself. Guess that's where the phrase "mini-me" came from, huh? She didn't come with instructions. I have no idea what I'm doing. I take that back I'm figuring it out as I go. I don't beat her. I have enforced a time out or two. We've had more "mini discussions" regarding her bad decision making skills than I can count. She's one smart tough cookie! She knows how she can act with who. She knows when she's done something wrong because she starts chirping that she's sorry. That in of itself shows intelligence. Tears come with the territory. She cries for any and every reason most of which tears aren't warranted but you try telling her that. It doesn't phase me. If we're out and she asks for something and the answer is no, which by the way rarely is then the waterworks ensue. Do I like it? No. Who wants to be the parent with the kid who's crying and screaming? Uh, no one! But it happens. I say stare or look away and tell yourself under your breathe that'll never be me. Which PS is a lie. It will be. But when it comes to my mother it's embarassing. She's claimed recently to not be phased by it but I know that if she could run away or pretend to not know us she would. I'm not offended at least not when I'm there to do the mothering. I haven't quite mastered being able to do that when I'm not there, like this afternoon.
To add insult to injury she throws in "if she's acting this way how does she behave in class?" All I could think was "did you really just say that?"
How about we go back and see how you behaved at this age. See that's the problem it's been what 1912 since she had little ones & she didn't play the role of disciplinarian. I'm judge, jury and treat giver. I have yet to actually hear the details of the horror that was the afternoon pick up. I'm sure we'll sit down and have a discussion what it will resolve exactly I have no idea. We mother different. We know this already. I'll listen with one ear open just in case. However, I did e-mail Elle's teacher just as a precaution. I assume that Elle's behavior isn't anything out of the ordinary. Tears. Not sharing. Having to repeat yourself. All seem par for the course. I am very curious to hear what she has to say. I promise to take it with an open mind and heart. Neither of which are easy but whatever needs to addressed should be so that we can continue to be a part of the preschool. She's got two years left and mom needs the three hour break!
Holy crap, I feel better! Nothing a little venting can't fix...
XOXO
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Dream a Little, Dream of Me
Day 23-The most vivid dream...
The most vivid dream I've had was about my daughter. I saw her attending "our" dream school. Yes, I've already visited and it was love at first sight. It's a private all girls school and it's everything I know she deserves. Come graduation these young women are going on to continued success both in and out of the classroom. I see it so clearly her in a uniform, getting dropped off at carpool, forging friendships, intelligence and extracurriculars. Brains and beauty, that's my girl!
XOXO
The most vivid dream I've had was about my daughter. I saw her attending "our" dream school. Yes, I've already visited and it was love at first sight. It's a private all girls school and it's everything I know she deserves. Come graduation these young women are going on to continued success both in and out of the classroom. I see it so clearly her in a uniform, getting dropped off at carpool, forging friendships, intelligence and extracurriculars. Brains and beauty, that's my girl!
XOXO
Christmastime reading...
Day 21-An impactful book in my life
I read this book for a book club and think everyone should too! It's called Christmas Jars by Jason F. Wright. It's an easy read just a little over a hundred pages. It's about making what you have work. It's about paying it forward. It's inspiring...
XOXO
I read this book for a book club and think everyone should too! It's called Christmas Jars by Jason F. Wright. It's an easy read just a little over a hundred pages. It's about making what you have work. It's about paying it forward. It's inspiring...
XOXO
A Good Girl Gone Rouge
Day 20-Something mischievous I did as a child
I was only grounded once in my tween years. I was in middle school and up until this fateful night was not only a member but president of the "goody two shoes." A title up until my college days fit like a puzzle piece. It was the weekend and instead of returning home like a good girl I opted to hang out with my friends. Innocent enough right? Not when you've got a dad that rules with an iron fist. I can even remember having one of those light up phones and having to turn the ringer off just to talk on it. Thank God for mothers that bend the rules a little for you. So back to me, the trouble maker; I didn't get home until it was dark....ohhhhh bad girl. I can't recall how long I was grounded for it was the look on my dad's face that sticks out the most. Needless to say I found my way back to the straight and narrow...
XOXO
I was only grounded once in my tween years. I was in middle school and up until this fateful night was not only a member but president of the "goody two shoes." A title up until my college days fit like a puzzle piece. It was the weekend and instead of returning home like a good girl I opted to hang out with my friends. Innocent enough right? Not when you've got a dad that rules with an iron fist. I can even remember having one of those light up phones and having to turn the ringer off just to talk on it. Thank God for mothers that bend the rules a little for you. So back to me, the trouble maker; I didn't get home until it was dark....ohhhhh bad girl. I can't recall how long I was grounded for it was the look on my dad's face that sticks out the most. Needless to say I found my way back to the straight and narrow...
XOXO
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