Today's Prompt: When is the last time you felt really, truly lonely?
So technically I should have wrote this yesterday however I like to think that I march to the beat of my own drum. It probably goes more like I didn't come across this until late in the day. I had a Junior League commitment, didn't get home from that until close to 8:00pm, ate dinner and put my daughter to bed which in theory is putting myself to bed. And here I find myself at 5:30am, playing catch up & jamming to the Afrojack Pandora station. But now back to the task at hand...
If I were being honest which is what I think one should be when blogging then my answer would be simple. I struggle with loneliness. There I said it or rather typed it, same difference...right? Right. Let's take it back to the beginning for an example of sorts. Me & my "real life" bestie met men who would end up playing key roles in our lives on the same day at the same place. Press fast forward and you have me: The girl who had her whole world change after one passion filled romp. See example A, my beautiful daughter. And then you have her: The girl who found her husband. Yeah, take a minute. Go on and choke that one down. PS-I love my bestie. I'm her maid honor. I couldn't be happier for her.
I'm "the mom" in my circle of friends. I know one day that won't be the case. I also know that if you were to look at my facebook page you'd see pictures of me out, about and having a good time. True enough. But be lonley hits when it's quite, my daughters sleeping, on a rare occassion I'm in the car alone and it's just me, myself & I. No one wins playing the "what if" game. What if I didn't pregnant? What if I had a significant other? What if, what if, what if? This is all I know. Doing it alone. I also just hit the big 3-0 and it's left me in a really weird space & trying to figure out what's going to make me happy. I am not sure what the answer is as of yet. I just know that I want to be embracing this idea of living, loving life in my singlemotherdom [is that a word. I'm pretty sure not. The perks of blogging.]
I'm not the first mom to be sitting at my computer and cry. I doubt I'm the last. But dammit if it doesn't feel good.