Giving up is easy. I didn't do what was easy. I didn't give up.
I'd been looking forward to last weekend for weeks. Me & my Elle were going away for the weekend with the women of my church on a retreat. You could say from the beginning I was doomed. Friday sunset not packed. Midnight, hello Saturday. Still not packed & now I've acquired a sleeping baby on my chest. Enter a necessary nap. You try hanging out with an infant whose favorite pastimes include sleeping & eating. 3:30am, my bed is covered with multiple piles all of which need to be packed. I toss Elle in her crib. Not literally ofcourse that would have woke her up. Thought bubble: pack. quickly. NOW.
The sun sets & the sun rises. With t-minus three hours to departure time I had plenty to get done. Fast forward to my three hour deadline & all that's left to do is get the car packed. Sounds simple enough but in hindsight it's where I should have started...in what couldn't have been less than five trips we we're buckled in, baby einstein cd playing & GPS leading the way. Norcross or bust baby!
I tried to shake the chaos of the morning away & was determined to enjoy the weekend. We were in such a pretty place with women I who I was looking forward to getting to know, learn and grow with. In a lil' over an hour I was crying uncontrollably. I took Elle to the ladies room and in 2.5 seconds she was screaming at the top of her lungs. Panic takes over. She must be hungry but my dumbass left her bottle in the other room. Luckily, I've got my car keys & just a matter of feet away is formula, h2O & bottles. We sat outside and I fed my starving daughter. I pulled myself together, handed Elle off to very capable hands, went back to the ladies room & proceeded to fall apart. I cried like from deep down. I feel overwhelmed. I'm tired and hungry. I feel alone. I feel trapped. And this was just the beginning. This was also when I decided I wanted to leave.
There were some more tears but after some words of encouragement and support I decided to stay. I'd like to think that I'm not a quitter. That I can rise to the challenge. And this was my moment.
We ate lunch, fellowshipped, checked into our room, and had some down time before dinner. And then Elle went from calm, cool & collected to a demon baby holding me hostage. It pretty much went downhill once I got her in the carrier. Elle: 3 Mom: 0. I threw the towel in & chalked it up to another missed meal. Not my first and certainly not my last. But then there was a knock at the door & someone had come to resue me! I got Elle bundled up & we drove to dinner...woo-hoo!
Although I didn't partake in the games & fun following dinner me and Elle had some fab QT time. And at 6:00am I packed the car (in two trips. impressive. i. know.) & at 7:00am we were heading for the homefront.
The kind words and care extended to me & Elle was beyond amazing.
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