Tuesday, July 21, 2009

A Light Bulb Moment

Being pregnant has given me the opportunity to not only get to know myself in a new way but take a closer look at the important relationships in my life. They say it takes a village to raise a child and boy do I get it now. I'm so absolutely privileged to have the people that are a part of my life. It's truly how I've learned that it's about the length of time you've known someone it's about the quality of time you've shared with them, two of the most special people in my life I haven't known more than a year and one of them is going to have one of the coveted positions of god mother. Then there are people who I've known for years, for instance my best friend. Recently, there's been a distance between us and it spawns from my pregnancy. It's really shown me things I didn't know about myself. For one, if you mess with my child you mess with me (suppose those are the maternal instincts kicking in...lol). I've adopted an "either your with me or against me" mentality and thus far haven't looked back. I think for the first time I'm taking a stand for what I believe in and I'm making no apologies for it. It feels good but I see that not everything is as black & white as I treat it. It wasn't until we spoke recently that I realized how much I missed her and how much she had missed in the past few months of my pregnancy. Up until then I just couldn't see past my hurt feelings. I'm looking forward to reconnecting and having be a part of this crazy time. I have another friend one I think I actually hurt. She's someone for the longest I considered my best friend. We've shared a lot together. But it took me a very long time to see that we placed different value on our friendship. We spent time alienated from one anothers lives but somehow have managed to find a way to bond again. I missed a special moment that she actually wanted me to be a part of. I think most of the reason I'm surprised by that is because I've accepted that maybe our friendship wasn't everything I defined it as. I felt incredibly bad because it wasn't purposeful it really was an accident. I hope in time she'll forgive me and we'll continue to share in the experience of soon to be motherhood together.

I couldn't possibly end this without speaking about the most important person of all...my mom. I'd be lying if I said the beginning of my pregnancy wasn't rocky between the two of us. But I can say that being able to communicate and listen as allowed us to strengthen our bond. I know unequivocally that she loves me and is there for me. We recently had a heart-to-heart and she understood me in a way that I didn't even understand myself. It was amazing! She's my rock and I'm incredibly lucky to have her support and love.

PS-sending love to rebecca, tracy, candace & kyi....love you girls!

mommy to be. XOXO


Geeky Black Girl said...

"Recently, there's been a distance between us and it spawns from my pregnancy. It's really shown me things I didn't know about myself. For one, if you mess with my child you mess with me (suppose those are the maternal instincts kicking in...lol)."

I'm pretty sure you're talking about me in this segment so I'm going to respond. I have NEVER said anything against your child, everything we discussed was directed at how I felt about what I perceived to be your mindset at the time. And you knew from the start I was with you, just disagreed about ONE thing. And are you saying that we didn't spend QUALITY time together because thats what I thought we did for the longest time. This was the first time we truly had a fallout and you were my go to girl for a long time.

Even before our last discussion related to the godmother, you had decided against me early on and it was later that you decided on three. I guess you forgot this blog post here. I love you, Vee, and I really wish we could talk face to face before Ellie is born but you pushed me out when I was being who I always am. You didn't mind the in-your-face me until it was directed at you.

Many blessings for a safe and healthy delivery of Ellie (I'm still going to call her that).

V.V.Brown said...

This was a long time ago and to be honest not at the forefront of my thoughts. But after reading it & your comments I'm ready to respond...

What felt most natural to do was distance myself from you. Maybe from the beginning I should have just said that your opinion makes me feel like I don’t have your support. It hurts in a way that is hard to put into words but the emotions even today (and it’s been months since this post) are as raw as ever. As far as what I wrote regarding quality time I just meant that in a short time I had grown extremely close to two people that I hadn’t known for an extremely long time. My intention wasn’t to make you think that we hadn’t shared quality time together because of course we did. I know this was the first time we’d had a falling out with each other but all I can say is I’ve learned & grown a lot from all of this.

As far as the Godmother position goes I never planned on having just one. It’s something I thought long and hard about. I may not have gone about things traditionally but I did it my way and I don’t have any regrets. I’m sorry that it felt like a slap in the face to you. Each of you is special to me and I saw each of you being able to share that with Elle. I never felt obligated to do anything to save anyone’s feelings and that really is the truth. I guess you have a point with me not having a problem with the aggressive side of your personality.

The thing is I’m different now. You aren’t the only person that I’ve hit a bump in the road with. What’s changed is how I deal with and express myself. A lot of that is thanks to you. I know we’ve missed out on a lot with each other maybe with time that’ll change.


Geeky Black Girl said...

Vee, your blog post stated ONE of those two friends was going to have the position of being godmother. Which is why I wrote that you had not decided on three. That is water under the bridge because what has been said is done. I wouldn't have looked for an ob/gyn for you if you didn't have my support. I don't think you fully understood my frustration as I was going through some things at that time you found out that you didn't know about. I didn't want to bring it up because I was trying to help out even with my opinion.