I'm Laughing to Keep from Crying

I have these moments where I think "I want to blog about this" and then said moment passes and the same sick cycle repeats itself. The main reason I've avoided placing my hands on the home row, also known as "a-s-d-f-g-h-j-k-l" is because life is kicking my ass & I'm talking with the sentiment of a "love TKO" minus the whole love thing. I'm guilty of putting on a happy face meanwhile those who know me best see the not so happy faces, mind you there are many. Besides who wants to happen across this hilariously well written blog and be bombarded with some crazy (yet cute) woman ranting and raving about wanting to beat people up, saving for a punching bag & who defines a good time as drinking a beer and falling asleep on the couch; only to wake up and realize there's a mess I need to clean and a dishwasher that isn't going to start itself. So maybe just maybe there's a way for me to find a way to say "today I wanted to punch myself in the face" but like in a funny way.

Being unemployed comes with one pretty awesome perk, my daughter. I'm not gonna lie sometimes it doesn't feel so awesome but I'm sure at the ripe ol' age of almost two I was giving my parents the same, hmmmm...let's call it joy. I know every parent thinks the world of there child (or children) but I know for a fact (yes, I took a poll) that my daughter is the funniest, smartest and prettiest of them all. She certainly makes me want to pull my hair out when I'm exhausted, yelling her name & calling her a stinky baby and she proceeds to run around laughing hysterically or better yet she gets on her tippy toes to close the door and says "buh-bye," no I'm not making any of this up. Ultimately I have her to thank for remaining a sane and functioning person. My life is like clockwork same routine, different day and clearly falling apart to the extent I wish were allowed is not an option, besides in the midst of it all there's plenty to laugh at, for example:

My mom's birthday just past and I thought it be nice to get her some balloons. Big. Mistake. Little did I know Elle's fascination and love for them, had I realized this I would have just got her one. We were somehow able to exit Party City, get her in the car, balloons safely secured and in the house without losing one of the three balloons. When it came time to leave the house she wasn't budging without her teddy bear [PAUSE]

*I'm gonna go off on a tangent now, bare with me...before I was a mom I SWORE I would NEVER be one of "those mom's" that let there child parade around with stuffed animals, dolls, etc. I am one of "those mom's" now and if it weren't for bears I'm sure it would make car rides, shopping, bed time & boo-boo's much more painful for all involved.*

[UNPAUSE] and a balloon. So I had the pleasure of getting her and a balloon in the car and I have to admit it was smooth sailing until we got back home and she wanted to hold the balloon sans any help from mom, she's such a tough guy! Well I granted her the independence she was begging for and faster then you could blink your eye the pretty red balloon was floating off to begin a new adventure.

She's pointing at the balloon

The balloon stuck in the tree

I think she's expecting me to get the balloon instead we just waved buh-bye!

Mumbo Jumbo

The toughest part of forcing myself to sit here and hit the keys is where to start. There's so much to cover, hmmmm. I'll start with the most obvious (and easiest)...my EB.

Well we're at the half way mark to hitting "the terrible two's" and I'm unashamedly in the brainstorming phase because there is party in the horizon and well I set the bar pretty high last year so the only way to go is up! I'm actually looking forward to this year just a little bit more because we would have hopefully *fingers crossed* acquired some friends. In my opinion that's what makes a kids party a kids party, the kids (and the adult beverages). I think I know what direction I'm heading it's just a matter of working out the specifics. We're trucking through summer with cute dresses, fun at the pool and cool sunglasses to keep us looking and feeling cool.



I guess I'll give you the condensed version of the past few months:



I found out about an Easter egg drop and although it turned into an all day event we had a blast. I was hoping our second go'round we'd have better luck. The key I learned rather quickly was to get there early. We took a ton of pictures, got a photo with a celebrity (yes, in the south the Chick-fil-a cow counts), had a yummy lunch that took me right back to elementary school (i.e. hot dog and french fries) & eventually just a "few" hours later we were lined up on a high school football field awaiting the go ahead to run onto the field and get us some eggs. It couldn't have been more worth it.



Happy Easter!




My church had a Mother's Day tea and well this is the gang! It was worth missing a few hours of work to spend some time with the gals. I even got a very cute mug and flower pot with pictures of lil' beauty and a poem.

We had the pleasure of finally getting our Baby Loves Disco on and although it left plenty to be desired, the old testament holds true "you get what you pay for" and in our case it was a free event.





"Fun" times at the pool! She really does love the water.



In the words of Oprah, you'd call this a full circle moment in my life. We went to my high school alma mater, the original building was getting knocked down and they invited students old and new to walk the halls one last time as we all remembered it. Eleven years later and I've gone from gawky teenager to sexy single momma!

And they you have it, all caught up! Actually, there's so much more to dish on...

XOXO

I've Fallen & I'm Having a Rather Hard Time Getting Up

My inital thought was "I've fallen & I can't get up" however it's not that I can't get up it's that I truly am having a rather hard time getting up, metaphorically speaking ofcourse.

The whole point of this ("this" being my blog) is to release and share the good, the bad & everything in between in regards to this life of mine. As you've probably put together I've fallen off the grid. I'd have to say that time has really just gotten away from me. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months and well here we are about two months since my last post. I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel longer and now well I don't really feel that bad. The good news is there is always something going on so although we've missed some there's plenty to look forward to.

Here's to picking up where we left off

XOXO

Bloggy Dare-Caption a funny photo

I've Got A Turtle Head Poking Out Sound Clip and Quote

XOXO

Bloggy Dare-What is the oddest last-minute meal you have put together and served?

This is surprisingly is a tough one for me. Although in the past I've had poor eating habits I can't say they've been odd. The strangest it gets over here is hamburger helper and even then I use ground turkey & don't follow the cooking instructions provided, it taste better cooked separately and then combining everything. I guess in an effort to be health conscious they've got some whole grain versions out although I tried the lemon herb and it was gross, just an FYI.

XOXO

(not) So Fat Girl Friday

Seven days have come and gone and I'm happy to report I lost 2.8lbs. today! WOOOOOO-HOOOOO baby! I really buckled down & stayed on track this week. I even managed to visit LA Fitness twice! I didn't do as well as I wanted to with the writing down what I'm eating but I started out strong and well had a slip here and there. The good news is I'm reading nutritional labels and making what I'd like to call "smart skinny" girl choices rather than the easy (and tastier in some instances) "fat girl" ones. Case in point: I went into Publix hungry and needing a snack. I started out with yogurt covered raisins but ended with the bear trail mix, now it's nothing to swoon over but the cocoa covered almonds are pretty tasty and the granola clusters are growing on me. I've really been wanting cereal and this morning I combed through the cereal aisle on the hunt for a cereal that had a serving size of at least a cup. I hit the jackpot with Kix at a whopping 1 1/4 cup serving size. FYI-the new Trix has the same serving size too.

At my meeting this morning I did take my shoes off, I know don't judge me. But I did splurge and buy the dining out companion which lists the points of food and beverages at popular resturants. It aided me in making healthy choices when I went to Taco Bell, two fresco chicken burritos only cost me eight points. I think carrying it around with me will help me to not only make healthier choices but help me in saying "No, Vanessa you don't need the fries go find a piece of fruit." Oh, and it's kind of heavy too, so here's to a constant reminder of the weight of my decisions (pun intended). Going into this next week I'd have to say I'm most excited about losing fresh pounds and ending the tortous dance the past weeks have been and in an effort to further motivate myself I purchased a goal weight outfit or in my case dress. I've already named it my "Crockett & Tubs" dress since it reminds of Miami Vice and I will be dawning it once I've dropped 20lbs. and celebrating with the girls! Ofcourse I tried it on and I have to say I wasn't disappointed, it zipped without having to say a little prayer, curse myself & hold my breath but it's going to look significantly better on a slimmer me.

"The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out." ~Author Unknown

XOXO

Love is...

If you know me then you know that I love any and every holiday. I buy Elle an outfit, a prop of some sort might be involved and then try and capture the beauties that we are. This is what we end up with...

This free digital greeting customized with Smilebox

We send it to our family and friends and yes, I've got everything we need for St. Patrick's Day all ready to go; okay and I bought bunny ears for Easter, but they were just a dollar & I couldn't pass em' up.

So awhile ago I came upon this article about putting a new spin on Valentine's Day and so this is how I'll be celebrating. But before I dish on the bold move I'll be making today I want to say something about love. The love I've come to know being a mother is like no other. The saying "unlucky in love" is putting it gently. I've made some of the mistakes we all do from giving my heart to the wrong one to well getting pregnant even. All those flubs brought me the best and most unexpected addition to my life and I wouldn't have it any other way. My bubs as I so affectionately call her is the most amazing little big girl. She's got all this personality for such a little bitty person and I've accepted that I'm in trouble when she starts talking. So on a day we all celebrate love, I can say that me and my valentine are happy and doing our part to spread the love.

Today I'll be starting the revamping of Too Cute For Mom Jeans. I'm putting the deposit down and in a few weeks this blog will have a brand new look. I can't wait!

"Love puts the fun in together, the sad in apart, and the joy in a heart."
~Author Unknown

XOXO

(not) So Fat Girl Friday

I've been wanting to start this for weeks now, but Friday comes, goes and well on Saturday I chastise myself and vow to do better next week. Well, I'm here music going in my headphones and feeling pretty damn proud of myself. Side note-it's 12:26am, which means it's "technically" Saturday but you know what I'm okay with that.

My inspiration to start my (not) So Fat Girl Friday came from what you'd call "word of the week alliteration envy", for example there's Wordless Wednesday, I've seen a Work It Girl Wednesday, and even a Thankful Thursday. Here's to hoping it catches like wildfire and there women saying you know what I've got a goal, a plan and yes, I gave into eating that slice of cheesecake!

Around six weeks ago I started Weight Watchers, after being both bombarded and motivated by the Jennifer Hudson commericals & when they waived the registration fee, I decided to go for it. I even found a mommy-and-me meeting, which means Elle can come too. I started January 7th at 161 lbs. and for the past five weeks I've been doing this painful dance with three pounds, allow me to explain. I lost 2.4 lbs, gained 2.2 lbs., lost 2.8 lbs., and today I gained 2.4 lbs. and with that lost my temper mostly with myself but doled a bit out to one of the ladies that works there, again allow me to explain. The first time I did Weight Watcher's which was years ago I was never a fan of taking off every article of clothing to weigh in. You have women taking off there coats and shoes and I find it a bit ridiculous. We walk around with our clothes on and if we wore our skivies and proudly displayed our weight well then maybe I'd feel differently. Today I was asked to take off my jacket, which I found out weighs a pound after I not so politely made the comment "it doesn't weigh 5 lbs." Come to find out it was a gain week so I guess she was attempting to be helpful.

Here's the thing the only person who controls how successful I am at this is me. I get it. I'm not mad at Weight Watchers or there employees at the location I attend meetings. I'm losing weight to look better in my clothes, my 1 lb. jacket included. If I just stick to counting points and not giving into every indulgence I'd be on the right track, it's easier said then done & I guess I'm realizing that even cheating once shows itself come time to weigh in. So no, I can't eat Zaxby's, have two glasses of wine and expect to be losing weight, mind you I did this the day before weigh in, what the hell was I thinking? Clearly I wasn't! In my defense I will say that most days I'm on track I'm having turkey lettuce wraps for lunch and even eating more fruits & veggies but I could certainly be doing better beginning with the food that I buy. I learned the hard way that I can't buy potato chips, I'm in love with the Sweet Heat BBQ Lays, and well after a chip binge I vowed to not buy them again until I've got more will power.

My 5% target is 8 lbs. and I'd like to be minus them in the next four weeks, that means if I'm eating right and exercising a few times a week this should be easy peasy, riiiiight?! RIGHT! My goal this week is write down everything I eat, everything!

In the words of J. Hud: I want to feel like Vanessa but with new arms, new legs and this smile...

XOXO

Bloggy Dare-The Day I Found Out I Was Pregnant

I don't recall what the date was when I found out I was pregnant. I do however remember the date of conception, it was St. Patrick's Day. It will forever be a day I look back on and can (now) laugh about. The shirt I was wearing said "Most Likely to Get Lucky" and well I guess you'd call that irony, right?! I can hear my best friend getting a good laugh from all of the above because we were actually together at a local watering hole, celebrating like we do every year. Said watering hole is where we both met men that have come to have a great effect on our lives, she found love and I found my babydaddy. But I digress...

Here's a link to the post I wrote back in 2009 when I found out I was pregnant. I think it's a perfect reflection of where I was and even though I've tried I don't anything I write now could truly do the moment justice.

XOXO

It Only Took Me Five Days...

I'm ninety-seven of a hundred and seventy-four, and when I signed up for the Blog Dare, I was gun-ho to say the least and well it took me a few days (plus two) to get it together. But it's with full confidence I admit to my shortcomings and look forward to the next three hundred and sixty days of showing what being too cute for mom jeans is all about. Enjoy!

I initially started a blog that was just about my life. I was watching an episode of Oprah and was kind of inspired to just find my niche in the blog sphere. It actually didn't get too far along before I found my life taking a detour that I never saw coming, it all changed with two pink lines (which rather fittingly happens to be the title of the first blog I ever wrote). It was then that I decided to set out into deep waters of mom blogging and well try and stay afloat. There are a ton of women that are giving there unique experience in all things mother. I find it completely inspiring, there are these catchy names, beautiful blogs and women being honest in a way that isn't so easy. I picked a rather precarious moment in time to start but sometimes you have to just throw sense aside and say, "Hello world! I'm here, I'm single, I'm preggers" and there you have it, Too Cute for Mom Jeans was birth.

I started writing to get through a time in my life when things as I knew them were changing in ways I couldn't truly foresee or prepare for, even though I naively thought that's what I was doing. We all find ourselves entering the wonderful world of motherhood differently and for some of us we are doing it alone. Is it the end of the world? No, not by a long shot. Is it scary as hell? Yes & it comes in waves and hits you like a ton of bricks. Oh, and your pregnant! So you can pretty much throw everything that makes sense out the window and hold on tight, it's going to be one wild ride...

and this is mine!

XOXO

My Lil' Nugget

Last night I was blogging away and when technology failed me and none of it saved. I couldn't bring myself to try again so with that I went to bed and decided to give myself a pass. Here I am today, refreshed and writing significantly earlier than I normally do.

Yesterday I decided I would start taking a cue from Elle and use her to learn and laugh from. I've been deep in brainstorm mode with what to term it and decided to take my inspiration from Chelsea Handler, she calls her assistant Chuy her little nugget and well Elle looks like a nugget so there we have it, my lil' nugget. Since yesterday's was so good I'm going to start with that.

Go with your gut, I was watching television and Elle was playing in the hallway when there was a noise at the door. Elle got up and like a little lightning bolt made her way to me. My mom was unlocking the door and it scared her, it was absolutely hilarious.

I've got a fussy girl in need of a nap in my arms, yes I typed this with her in my arms...

XOXO

L.O., L.O., L.O., L.O.V.E.

The thought of blogging everyday has started to weigh on me. In both good and bad ways, on the plus side I'll be able to say "I DID IT!" everyday I made the time for myself, to do something purely for my enjoyment. On the flip side though I'm uneasy about where exactly my subject matter will be going. Motherhood is a unique experience for each of us that wear the sash "Mom" and this is my take on it, so with that said (or written rather)...hold on tight!

Today I amerced myself in the OWN network and watched a show titled "in search of..." it made me sorta see the moment Elle asks me about "DaddyWarBucks" (as I've previously termed him). I watched both the triumph and sadness that comes with deciding to search for your biological parent. Our mothers and fathers hold such a special place in the fiber of the people that we are and when one (or both even) of those is missing there is a part of us missing and it's only human nature to want to fill it by finding them. With the help of a genealogist one man was able to find his father, have a brief phone conversation and in weeks was meeting him. It was an overwhelming sweet moment. He was also able to meet extended family members. Then there were a set of twins who were adopted and in search of there birth mother. They were able to find her and she denied being there mother. It was a gut wrenching moment. It eventually came to the surface that she too was also adopted. Which just added another layer of hurt, confusion and sadness.

So although I haven't really decided what I'm going to say I do know that it has to be age appropriate honesty. Although I constantly wrestle with writing a letter or sending a picture, I really, honestly believe that this man could care less. He doesn't get to cause more pain then he already has and I know that he knows how to contact to me. The good news is that I do wholeheartedly believe that there is someone out there who will love the both of us.

Love is a bond stronger than DNA...

XOXO

I'm back...Happy New Year!

I'm making Day #1 of 2011 count. Its consisted of waking up with a headache, a fabulous nap, power outage, and two significant challenges. First, I've decided to make this the year my blog finds its place in the "Blogging Momma" realm and with that I'll be blogging daily in 2011. In an effort to make things more interesting I'll also be doing a "Single Mom's Lesson of the Day." My intent is daily reflection, everyday has started to feel the same and this is my way of being able to enjoy this moment in it's entirety.

Weeks ago I said today is D-day, Elle's first day as an independent sleeper, up until now we've been living it up with little regard for Elle's bed hogging ways. It wasn't until dusk hit that I started wrestling with what I had signed myself up for and as it got later and Elle showed signs of sleepiness it hit me, there were gonna be tears and little understanding but this is what we needed, I want my bed back and Elle's a big girl, I mean a little-big girl. So with the night light plugged in and a full belly she dozed off, I gave her about 20 min. and decided I was either going to make my move or fail. So I laid her in the crib and the tears hit instantly, insert deep breath. I stayed strong, laid her down, rubbed her back, reassured her that I loved her and this was not a form of torture but a moment of liberation! It took at least five tries of soothing but, drum roll please......WE DID IT! She fell asleep and I learned this: celebrate the small victories. I wanted this day to come but there was a part of me dreading it and to be honest I wasn't sure if I was going to make it but the alternative wasn't acceptable. I'm the mom, I'd like to think that means I'm in charge, it's my job and I take it seriously! This small triumph has helped me to realize the importantance of both independence and structure and I will be working daily to make sure that I'm encouraging both every way I possibly can.

There's so much to catch up on but the good news is that there's plenty of time to cover what I'd like to call "the bad, the ulgy and what happend to the good?" that last few months of my life have been. But for now, it's a new year and what I'd like to do is take a nod from this site, my word is...love. I want to embrace love in all it's different ways this year, it goes without saying that I'd like to find love, or does it find you?

Hmmm....here's to love!

XOXO