A Good Laugh

I was in the car this morning and listening to the radio. There was a person on the show who recently gave birth and they used to play this song in her honor, it was hilarious! Of course I had to look up the lyrics and share:

Pregnant Women are Smug

Pregnant women are smug

Everyone knows it, nobody says it

Because they're pregnant

Effing son of a gun

You think you're so deep now, you give me the creeps

Now that you're pregnant

I can't count all the ways how

You speak in cliches now

Riki: So, do you want a boy or a girl?

Kate: Oh, doesn't matter as long as it's healthy

Riki: Really? 'Cause I don't feel that those two things are related. It's not like one or the other.

Kate: Oh, really, as long as it's healthy.

I can't wait to hear someone say

"Don't care if it's brain dead

Don't care if it's limbless

If it has a penis"

Pregnant women are smug

Everyone knows it, nobody says it

Because they're pregnant

This zen world you're enjoying

Makes you really annoying

Riki: So, is it a boy or girl?

Kate: Oh, we know, but we're not telling.

Riki: What you're gonna name it?

Kate: Oh, we know, but we're not telling.

Riki: Who's the father?

Kate: Oh, we know, but we're not telling.

Bitch, I don't really care

I was being polite

Since you have no life now

That you're pregnant

You say you're walking on air

You think that you're glowing

But you've been ho'ing

And now your pregnant

You're just giving birth now

You're not mother earth now

Riki: Oh my gosh, I've got so much going on. I got my novel published, I moved, I got married.

Kate: Gosh, you know, everything seems so trivial now that I'm pregnant.

Riki: Well, I also helped end gang violence in Mexico when...

Kate: You know, I can't even remember what I did before I was pregnant. Everything else seems so meaningless.

Pregnant women are smug

Everyone knows it, nobody says it

Because they're pregnant

Effing son of a gun

You think you're so deep now, you give me the creeps now

Now that you're pregnant

A Light Bulb Moment

Being pregnant has given me the opportunity to not only get to know myself in a new way but take a closer look at the important relationships in my life. They say it takes a village to raise a child and boy do I get it now. I'm so absolutely privileged to have the people that are a part of my life. It's truly how I've learned that it's about the length of time you've known someone it's about the quality of time you've shared with them, two of the most special people in my life I haven't known more than a year and one of them is going to have one of the coveted positions of god mother. Then there are people who I've known for years, for instance my best friend. Recently, there's been a distance between us and it spawns from my pregnancy. It's really shown me things I didn't know about myself. For one, if you mess with my child you mess with me (suppose those are the maternal instincts kicking in...lol). I've adopted an "either your with me or against me" mentality and thus far haven't looked back. I think for the first time I'm taking a stand for what I believe in and I'm making no apologies for it. It feels good but I see that not everything is as black & white as I treat it. It wasn't until we spoke recently that I realized how much I missed her and how much she had missed in the past few months of my pregnancy. Up until then I just couldn't see past my hurt feelings. I'm looking forward to reconnecting and having be a part of this crazy time. I have another friend one I think I actually hurt. She's someone for the longest I considered my best friend. We've shared a lot together. But it took me a very long time to see that we placed different value on our friendship. We spent time alienated from one anothers lives but somehow have managed to find a way to bond again. I missed a special moment that she actually wanted me to be a part of. I think most of the reason I'm surprised by that is because I've accepted that maybe our friendship wasn't everything I defined it as. I felt incredibly bad because it wasn't purposeful it really was an accident. I hope in time she'll forgive me and we'll continue to share in the experience of soon to be motherhood together.

I couldn't possibly end this without speaking about the most important person of all...my mom. I'd be lying if I said the beginning of my pregnancy wasn't rocky between the two of us. But I can say that being able to communicate and listen as allowed us to strengthen our bond. I know unequivocally that she loves me and is there for me. We recently had a heart-to-heart and she understood me in a way that I didn't even understand myself. It was amazing! She's my rock and I'm incredibly lucky to have her support and love.

PS-sending love to rebecca, tracy, candace & kyi....love you girls!

mommy to be. XOXO

Drumroll Please...

I found out last week that I'll be having a....GIRL! I'm so incredibly positively excited. My baby girl is on the way! I went to visit another doctor not really sure under what pretense, oh how I love being in the loop. Not too long into the visit I figured out why I was actually there. I have hydrocephalus, which basically means that the fluid around my brain at one time was causing pressure and close to unbearable pain. So I have a shunt which is a tube that drains out the fluid and I haven't had a problem since. The thing is it's usually something that can be caught at birth. In my case I suffered some sort of trauma that started this and it wasn't until I was twenty-three that it started to hurt & that's when I had the surgery, so that was one thing they wanted to check. On my last visit with my doctor I had blood work done to check for down syndrome and other possible defects the baby could be born with. They told me that if I didn't hear from them that everything was normal. Well the good news is I didn't hear back from them and at my appointment the doctor told me that my results were normal! Before the doctor came in to see me the ultrasound tech measured all her limbs and checked her weight. While she was trying to do that it was amazing to see how much moving she was doing in there. It was so funny! I couldn't believe this tiny little person (PS-she's only like ten ounces) was twisting and turning in there. I'm also not sure how all that's going to feel once I can actually feel it...lol! But when the doctor came in to check her spine, heart and skull she had gotten cozy in one particular position. He said that was pretty normal and she might not move for a day or two so after trying to coax her to move he eventually gave up and told me that I would have to return so that he could be positive there was nothing to be alarmed about. So until then I'm optimistically cautious....

mommy to be. XOXO

Welcome to the Motherhood Club

It's a rare occasion that I'm home to watch Oprah but, last Friday I found myself in that position (thanks to the 4th of July holiday). It couldn't have been a better a better topic. It was tackling the truth about of motherhood (here's the link: http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090311-tows-mom-truth). Ding, Ding, Ding....FINALLY! I don't have a "mom support group" at the moment. Although early on I realized the undeniable benefit this will serve in my life I'm still in the putting together stages (i.e. is there a step prior to brainstorming because that's where I'm on it).

The show featured two women who were mom's, BFF's and authors. There books have clever titles such as: I Was a Really Good Mom before I Had Kids and Dirty Little Secrets of Otherwise Perfect Moms. Both of which I have ordered (reading a pregnant gal's newest favorite hobby). Here is some more on them: http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090311-tows-mom-truth/9
It was an open and honest discussion about motherhood, it was extremely enlightening. My light bulb moment came when I realized the image of perfection I'm chasing. I feel pressure to be "perfect", it's self imposed and apparently not very realistic. I guess for me there is an image I've always had of the type of mother I would be and it's beginning stages of showing itself. I guess I've always seen it in black or white terms either I'm the best or I'm a failure, and there is no room for adjusting or tweaking as may be needed. I want to be able to do it all, make dinner and get a good nights sleep, and some nights that just may not be the case. As I go through my pregnancy I am surprised at how much better I am at going with the flow, being less high-maintenance and not letting other peoples opinion weigh on the plan I'm setting into motion.

I also think some of my chase for perfection comes from doing it alone. If it's just going to be me then I've got to be the best version of me as a mom that I can be. I feel like there are some people who look at me like there sorry for me, like there is no way they could imagine having to go through what I am. For instance, when I was catching up with a friend (also pregnant) of mine she said, "I'm just sorry you don't have a John" (i.e. her husband). Okay. Wait a minute. Seriously? I'm not sorry and it's in moments like this where I'm able to find strength. It's also not surprisingly when my competitive spirit grabs a hold of me, what can I say? I can't help it. I also don't want to be looked down on or pitied. Although I've yet to achieve the things I want career wise, I am well on my way and just became the proud owner of a new extra push...my baby. I tend to lean toward thinking my take no prisoner's attitude will serve us just fine.

Here's to finding perfection in my imperfection....

(http://www.justintimberlake.com/news/fairytale_reality_bites)

mommy to be. XOXO

Happy Father's Day...Mom

I woke up Sunday saddened by the thought that this time next year my future son or daughter won't have a father around to lavish love & a gift bought by mom on. The inevitable "dad conversation" is something that's hard not to think about. Being the best mom possible may not be enough to fill what could possibly be an unavoidable hole. In my own experience, I love my father. I think he's a jerk but nonetheless, I love him. In his absence I saw my mother work her ass off to support me and my siblings. And that's the example that drives me to be the best me that I can possibly be. It can be done.

Through the course of the day I came across this article: http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/family-parenting/article.aspx?cp-documentid=20440872&GT1=32001. I chalk it up to a new version of the blame game. Here's the thing I don't see myself anywhere in it. I tend to lean more towards taking these situations on a case by case basis. Everyone and there circumstance are different. Here are my thoughts:

• My child has one father. I know who he is, he knows who he is and one day my son/daughter will know. I've never been a fan of women who push the "dad" title on men who one aren't the father and two exhibit no qualities of a man that would be. Just because your dating some dude doesn't mean he's worthy of being called dad. What happens when the relationship is over? What kind of example is that setting, especially for our girls that will grow to be women? I myself have seen it first hand. My nieces mother played that daddy nonsense with my brother and her older son (that was from a previous relationship). He was fully aware of who his dad was and I don't think he wanted to call my brother dad but did because that's what his mom wanted him to do.
• I would agree with the belief that courts tend to lean toward giving custody to mom over dad. And no not every single mother who enters a court room is necessarily the better pick over dad. But for who knows how long men have chose to walk out of the life of both mother and baby upon finding out she was pregnant. Take myself for example, case and point. I'll be the first to admit that we weren't in a relationship but that doesn't make it okay to exit stage right. It's called responsibility.

I can say that I think the blame game needs to come to a quick and abrupt end. As adults we know how babies are made and if the necessary precautions aren't taken the results are life changing, in the shape of a pregnancy (or worse an STD).

mommy to be. XOXO

Effortless Tears

I'm feeling incredibly emotional, it's manifesting itself in tears. Normally the last thing I'd think about is sharing it with the world (i.e. the four people who read this regularly...lol). But if my purpose is narrate all of this...smiles, frowns and all; thus far, I'm guilty of leaving out a significant chunk of happenings'.

Maybe it can just be chalked up to "one of those days." I was dragging this morning. It's been a few weeks since I hit the snooze so many times. In an effort to be more healthy I packed my lunch which also ate up valuable minutes. I usually watch the news on channel 2 (I totally have a crush on Ryan Young.) but I can stay up on how traffic and such is going until they inevitably start the circle over again by re-hashing everything they just did right before they cut to commercial. I missed all that this morning. The end of the story is me ending up at work at 9:30 as opposed to my intended start time at 8:00. There were no shortcuts to take. Everywhere I turned there was a sea of brake lights. Luckily, my GPS was able to get me around 285 and on to 75 it just took two hours. So there's that. Next, would be that I'm hungry. I don't know what's going on but within the last week or so my appetite is out of control. I didn't eat before I left because I planned on eating the yogurt I have here at work. Well by the time that happened it was less than satisfying. To be honest all I could think about was how a Krispy Kreme doughnut would make it all better. Horrible. True. And insanely hilarious!

And all of that would bring me to the moment the tears came. As I settle into the day and make my to do list I did my usual social network browsing and saw a picture that opened the flood gates. It honestly just made me sad. I wasn't there. In the pictures part of the memories. It also brought up the extreme amount of pressure I feel with regards to having to raise money for the breast cancer 3-day. I feel overwhelmed by it. I wish there was a way to bow out gracefully but there isn't. It's a commitment I made and am being held to. One way or another $2300 will be my contribution to the fight against breast cancer. I just need to get the ball rolling but sometimes it's hard to find the energy it's all requiring of me.

Wooooo-ssssaaaaaaaahhhhhh.....I'm still hungry. I think I'm going to eat my lunch. Maybe I should start bringing two lunches?! Can you just feel the weight gain, I can!

mommy to be. XOXO

Choices...

I read this article: http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/06/16/choosing-not-to-keep-the-baby/?src=twt&twt=nytimes, and even though our decisions in the end are different, everything that comprises the "in between" is the same.

Sharing that I was pregnant with my girlfriends was more of an eye opening experience then I ever imagined it could be. I learned about there personal struggle in the very same situation. You know contributing to the percentage of the population of black, single, pregnant women wasn't exactly on my things to do list. But three months ago I, just like them stood at a decision making crossroad. I'm unwavering in the choice that I made. I'm becoming a mother and that I honestly couldn't be happier about. But there are bits and pieces of Emmie's story that are a part of my own...

1. I'm dealing with the guilt I feel about what will be my non-presence in the first few weeks of my baby's life. I get two weeks paid leave with the option of taking up to twelve; however, the remaining ten weeks would be unpaid. Needless to say fourteen days after giving birth I will be returning to work and leaving the newly beginning life of my newborn in the (very able) hands of my family. Which in itself leads to more guilt with having to lean on them in this way. There's no way around it until at least six weeks. Then enter daycare and that familiar sense of guiltiness.
2. My friendships are changing. Prior to being pregnant I was always doing something with someone. And now....not so much. A part of me wants to yell at the top of my lungs "I'm not dead. I'm pregnant." No, drinking doesn't have the same appeal it once did. I won't be drinking for sometime given my pledge to breastfeed. I've traded my vodka redbulls for shirley temples and I had a very draining first trimester, I'm still VANESSA. The person who enjoys doing things, being social and having fun. I think for some the verdict is still out as far as how my friendships will continue to grow and develop. It's somewhat of a daunting thing to face.
3. As it stands, my future son or daughter is sans a father. That's the choice he's made. Life will go on...

I definitely feel more determined then ever to become the mother I always pictured myself being. There's so much to look forward to and be happy about. This is my sometimes tumultuous but for the most part amazing adventure.

mommy to be. XOXO