I decided after much thought to take my last post down. I have a tendency to be passive aggressive. For me it's easier to make an an under handed comment then hash something out in a more productive manner. I also take more things than I should personally. It's easy to think something is or could be about you when in actuality you were nowhere on the person's radar. Here's to moving forward not only speaking up when I need to but also taking the time to really listen to myself internally & not fear doing what's right. I don't want to hold myself back because there's something exciting about the unknown, you don't know what's coming.
I wanna live. I wanna love. I wanna have fun. XOXO
Monday, April 26, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. ~Author Unknown
Today is a day I've been looking forward to since I came to the harsh realization all pregnant women do...I can't fit my clothes. Eventually your expanding waist exceeds the inches allotted in those cute jeans and it's time to embrace the new section you're shopping in, maternity. In defense of maternity clothes and designers alike, I'll say this much, there are some fabulous finds out there! I had some really cute stuff but once you deliver baby and hit that in-between stage of not fitting your maternity stuff but nowhere near fitting your pre-pregnancy clothes, those self-deprecating thoughts start in.
The entire time I was pregnant becoming a fatty scared the hell out of me. I was scared because I used to be a fatty. Round face, chubby cheeks and size sixteen pants. I wish I could say I had a big booty but if you know me then you know that just isn't the case...LOL! But I wasn't happy. I looked at my friends and saw pretty girls with great personalities and I wasn't one of them. But after a year with Curves I finally stumbled upon some of my own. WOOOOO-HOOOOO baby :) And then I got pregnant and with that came major body changes. My boobs got bigger, my waist & hips spread, and I was literally lathering myself down with the Palmer's lotion to fend off stretch marks (FYI-it works!). There's one day in particular I remember like it was yesterday: I was getting dressed for work and went to put on one of my favorite dresses. Granted it was a lil' snug the previous time I had worn it I figured I could get one more wear out of it. Well, that wasn't the case and I popped the strap and proceeded to have a breakdown. It was that moment that jump started my packing away of the clothes that just weren't fitting and up went my maternity wardrobe.
Nine months later I had my babygirl. I decided to go easy on myself and permit a year to get back in shape. In my mind in year I'd be throwing Elle her first birthday party and I REFUSED to look anything less than fabulous! Well five months later and I'm not at my goal but I've very close. I'm only thirteen pounds from my goal weight. I currently weigh: 163 lbs. and ideally I'd like to be 150 lbs. The only time I'm able to get time in at the gym is during my lunch. I'm going daily (at least most days) and doing 40 minutes on the treadmill, eliptical or combination or both in addition to some various arm and leg work; oh, and you can't forget crunches. At times it doesn't seem like nearly enough but I guess it's working! And I'm so proud of myself!
Since I'm nearing my goal and it's the last ten pounds or so that seem to be the biggest pain in the ass I'm gonna be a part of the "Losing 1lb. at a Time Challenge." I think it'll be great to encourage as well as get encouragement and being held accountable will (hopefully) help me get my liquid calorie intake in check. See with me you can keep your cake and cookies it's the alcohol I have issues saying no to. Here's to taking it one pound at a time!
XOXO
PS-I would also like to address how far it is I feel I've come. I'm referring to the picture in the top right corner. The way I see it...I'm being honest! And it couldn't feel better. I'm the first to say I definitely have cuter days but this is me in the dress that I haven't been able to fit in over a year. Cut me some slack!
That was more for me than you...but thanks for just going with it!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Pity Party of One
Today has just been one of those days. I'm feeling emotionally taxed and in need of a good cry. Wait. Scratch that. Several small crying fits, a punching bag, cold beer & my snuggie. I would prefer it in that order too (hope I'm not asking for too much). I suppose you could chalk it up to my first day back to being on mom duty and eight to fivin' it. For the past two and half days I was living it up on vacation in (drum roll please....) Las Vegas! To say it was fabulously fantastic is still not doing it justice. From heading there to touching back down it was laughs & good times. My mantra: Drink.Gamble.Eat.Repeat.
The drinks were strong. The men were attractive. The weather lovely. The home of my Father. We spent some long overdue quality time together. The last time I saw him I was fourteen & there's really no clear cut reason as to why so much time passed believe I've racked my brain. All I can say is that life happened. And this is really where the tearing up and reflecting began. Vegas allowed me something I haven't had since I don't know when, quiet time. An opportunity to really look within and figure some things out. I feel like a way bigger mess then I let on or even think people see. I'm what you'd call chasing perfection. I present having it together when more times then not I feel anything but that. It's actually ironic because I'm told regularly by my closest friends that they I'm strong and they're proud of me. How can anyone be proud me when I'm not even proud of myself? This is hard. No, not impossible. But unbelievably hard. As I type this I hear, "It won't be this way forever." And although I do really believe and trust it won't be it doesn't do much to change the fact that right here, right now, this is how I feel. As I trudge ahead I know that I will make more of an effort to make my Dad a larger part of my life. I see this old man who I forgot was so incredibly special to me. He's warm and has the ability to make anyone laugh. We don't have our parents forever and it was a wake up call. To love the two people I call Mom & Dad.
For now this is enough. XOXO
The drinks were strong. The men were attractive. The weather lovely. The home of my Father. We spent some long overdue quality time together. The last time I saw him I was fourteen & there's really no clear cut reason as to why so much time passed believe I've racked my brain. All I can say is that life happened. And this is really where the tearing up and reflecting began. Vegas allowed me something I haven't had since I don't know when, quiet time. An opportunity to really look within and figure some things out. I feel like a way bigger mess then I let on or even think people see. I'm what you'd call chasing perfection. I present having it together when more times then not I feel anything but that. It's actually ironic because I'm told regularly by my closest friends that they I'm strong and they're proud of me. How can anyone be proud me when I'm not even proud of myself? This is hard. No, not impossible. But unbelievably hard. As I type this I hear, "It won't be this way forever." And although I do really believe and trust it won't be it doesn't do much to change the fact that right here, right now, this is how I feel. As I trudge ahead I know that I will make more of an effort to make my Dad a larger part of my life. I see this old man who I forgot was so incredibly special to me. He's warm and has the ability to make anyone laugh. We don't have our parents forever and it was a wake up call. To love the two people I call Mom & Dad.
For now this is enough. XOXO
120 days of Mommyhood
This is my four month old lil' beauty! She is quite the character. Her personality is beginning to come out more and more with everyday. She's talkative and spending more of the day with her eyes wide open & enjoying her view of the world. The culmination of four months came with the introduction of....baby food. It started and very quickly ended with the rice cereal. She HATED it! After talking about it with some other moms I soon realized that it was about finding what Elle enjoyed eating versus treating the Gerber guidelines as the end all & be all on baby nutrition. On the menu first were sweet potatoes, which she LOVED! Since then I've stuck to orange veggies (i.e. squash, carrots, etc). Next, is introducing fruits & in just a few months we'll be moving up to tasty combinations like sweet potato and apple. Also, on the food horizon I will be making Elle's food. I said I was gonna do it and well damn it...I'm gonna do it! LOL
XOXO
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Don't Burn the House Down Mom
Sunday morning started off normal enough. I got up and got myself ready for church. I decided to sterilize Elle's bottles and boil the caps and that piece of the bottle that holds the nipple, you know you twist it on (forgive me for not knowing it's correct name). Any who, the microwave gets set for 8:30 and I set the oven timer for 3:00. Enter Elle crying. I decide I might as well bathe her versus just change her diaper. So we get the bathroom set up, clothes laid out and the baby gets clean & before you know it is smelling sweet (she's got Johnson & Johnson Vanilla Oatmeal baby wash and lotion) & looking like a shiny new penny. I get her dressed, barrette in hair and walk into a smoke filled living room.
UUUUUUUHHHHHH-OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, while I was attempting and mind you failing miserably at multi-tasking I was boiling the hell out of the caps and that other piece. I should have taken a picture of the pot I ruined. It was quite the sight. Smoke rising to the skylights. What a m-e-double s! So I got the burner turned off. Opened up every door and window I could and got the fan going on high. Needless to say this threw a major wrench in the whole going to church thing.
I tried to persevere and make the most of the day. At the top of the list & to be honest the only thing on the list since its such a time consuming task: laundry.
It started out easy enough. Load 1 in the wash. Elle napping. Load 1 in the dryer. Elle bright eyed and bushy tailed. Load 1 dried & ready to be folded. In an effort to actually get the laundry folded and not remain in the laundry basket all week, I put Elle in her walker (proof below)...
She looks like she's having a good time to me. How about you? Well that lasted all of 2.5 seconds before...
Yep, that's right. She was back in my arms. Such a spoiled baby! But somehow I managed to get the laundry folded (to my high standards) and eventually put away.
In the midst of tending to this I also got three of my own loads of laundry done. It's almost the end of the week and there is still stuff hanging in the bathroom and in the dryer. The important part is that it's clean & when I don't find it hanging in the closet I know that it's in the dryer. I guess it's helped that no one else has done laundry either. Thank God for the little things :)
XOXO
UUUUUUUHHHHHH-OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, while I was attempting and mind you failing miserably at multi-tasking I was boiling the hell out of the caps and that other piece. I should have taken a picture of the pot I ruined. It was quite the sight. Smoke rising to the skylights. What a m-e-double s! So I got the burner turned off. Opened up every door and window I could and got the fan going on high. Needless to say this threw a major wrench in the whole going to church thing.
I tried to persevere and make the most of the day. At the top of the list & to be honest the only thing on the list since its such a time consuming task: laundry.
It started out easy enough. Load 1 in the wash. Elle napping. Load 1 in the dryer. Elle bright eyed and bushy tailed. Load 1 dried & ready to be folded. In an effort to actually get the laundry folded and not remain in the laundry basket all week, I put Elle in her walker (proof below)...
She looks like she's having a good time to me. How about you? Well that lasted all of 2.5 seconds before...
Yep, that's right. She was back in my arms. Such a spoiled baby! But somehow I managed to get the laundry folded (to my high standards) and eventually put away.
In the midst of tending to this I also got three of my own loads of laundry done. It's almost the end of the week and there is still stuff hanging in the bathroom and in the dryer. The important part is that it's clean & when I don't find it hanging in the closet I know that it's in the dryer. I guess it's helped that no one else has done laundry either. Thank God for the little things :)
XOXO
Let me Introduce You to: Ms. Fussy Pants
Elle was in rare form when my Mom brought her up for lunch. My office was having a BBQ, the weather was supposed to be fantastic and I couldn't think of a better way to enjoy all of the above then with my Elle.
She looked normal enough upon first glance but not even ten minutes later she was a crying fussy pants. There proved to be no soothing her. We went down the check-list: change diaper. check. feed the baby. check. slap the baby upside the head. oh wait, I'm getting ahead of myself...LOL! FYI-I would never actually do that it would be counter productive to calming her down :) We walked outside for some fresh air. Came back into the office, calmed down but not very long after that she was back at it and we were back outside. This time to stay though. We plopped down on the grass and enjoyed the sunshine. Before you knew it though it was time for me to get back to work and my mother was bullying me for some dessert, hahaha.
Here's how we spent our hour in picture form:
This was once Elle, I mean we decided that staying outside was the new plan.
She tricked us. This was just a few minutes before we headed back outside.
She was falling apart but still looking cute as a button.
She needed a moment to recompose herself.
Still suspicious but on board for enjoying the rest of the time we had together.
GROUP shot!
All smiles & having fun with Gram-Gram.
Me & my boo :)
Elle all buckled in & ready to head home.
XOXO
She looked normal enough upon first glance but not even ten minutes later she was a crying fussy pants. There proved to be no soothing her. We went down the check-list: change diaper. check. feed the baby. check. slap the baby upside the head. oh wait, I'm getting ahead of myself...LOL! FYI-I would never actually do that it would be counter productive to calming her down :) We walked outside for some fresh air. Came back into the office, calmed down but not very long after that she was back at it and we were back outside. This time to stay though. We plopped down on the grass and enjoyed the sunshine. Before you knew it though it was time for me to get back to work and my mother was bullying me for some dessert, hahaha.
Here's how we spent our hour in picture form:
This was once Elle, I mean we decided that staying outside was the new plan.
She tricked us. This was just a few minutes before we headed back outside.
She was falling apart but still looking cute as a button.
She needed a moment to recompose herself.
Still suspicious but on board for enjoying the rest of the time we had together.
GROUP shot!
All smiles & having fun with Gram-Gram.
Me & my boo :)
Elle all buckled in & ready to head home.
XOXO
No, we're not Irish.
This time last year I was thumped on the head & when I finally came to about six weeks later, I discovered I was about to be a mom. Oh...St. Patrick's Day, how you'll always have a special place in my heart. Forever :)
Prior to the aforementioned, celebrating St. Patty's Day with my bestie (Dizzy) was our long standing tradition. And although for a moment it looked as though it wasn't going to happen, it all got worked out and I was able to continue in our usual practice. Also along for the fun and good times this year was Dizzy's boyfriend.
We went to a spot that he's a regular at which lent itself to acquiring us a table. I guess you'd call it a talent show of sorts. Maybe variety hour in the hood. If I were better versed in the different parts of the city and/or paying attention I could tell you where we were but that just isn't the case. I'll go on record as saying my favorite thing about St. Patty's Day is...green beer! Not this year though. The beer was sans the stuff that makes it green :( Disappointed but definitely not defeated, I managed to still have a great night! Dizzy's birthday is the following day so there is also a good bit of celebrating tossed into the festivities. Usually at midnight we take a shot of patron and ring in another year. This go round she met and later fell victim to 1800. It's all fun and games till' isn't fun and you've lost.
Right on time we were ready to exit as the talent show was ending. On the way home Dizzy's boyfriend was in the back causing quite the commotion. He was mesmerized with the mirror that is back there. It's back there so I can see what's going on with Elle. He was looking at it, looking at me, asking if I could see him! It was nothing short of hilarious. But proved to be a pain in the ass to fix the next time I got Elle in the car. I still need Don to re-adjust it but for now we're making do I just have to strain a little more than normal to get a look at her.
We rang in another year the only way we know how!
XOXO
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